The squirrel-theft ridiculousness has gone on just a tad too long ­— here are my open letters offering solutions.

President Barack Obama announced Tuesday that University President Amy Gutmann will be the chairwoman of the Presidential Commission for the Study of Bioethical Issues.

When my only option seemed to be living with Mom and Dad in the ‘burbs and earning “regular” status on the SEPTA R5, I became my own personal real estate agent.

I live with two roommates whom I chose, but we were randomly placed with a fourth ­— and she doesn't go to Penn.

While Penn undergraduates crowd around housing on or near campus, graduate students primarily live off campus and tend to reside across the city.

Read tips for parking on and near campus, and learn about options for students who don't have a car but want to get off campus.

Ross Silver, a 1984 College and Wharton alumnus and partner in the legal firm Fried Frank’s New York office, offered some words of wisdom for students looking at off-campus properties.

To get his program the respect it craves, Drexel coach Bruiser Flint has taken to making his statements on the court to force people to pay attention.

When I first told my mother I was considering moving off- campus this year, she was in denial. I’d spent my first two years at Penn in the College House System, and she thought there was no reason for that to change.

Welcome to the world of the college sexile. There is nothing more frustrating than being forced to find alternative sleeping arrangements because your roommate has decided to engage in intercourse on a whim.

Living in a fraternity or sorority house is often the best way for Greek students to fuse the different benefits of living on- and off-campus.

Find out where you can store your belongings for the summer.

Communicate, pick your battles, have a life outside the apartment, remember that you're friends and stay on top of rent checks.

When you’re left without a plan for housing for the next year, your options diminish. Before you can say, “Where the hell is Sansom West?” it’s September, and you’re moving into the Quad again for a second year.

For most college students, dorm living is the staple of college life. More than 5,000 students live on campus, including almost 800 people in each highrise and nearly 1,500 in the Quadrangle.

Nov. 14 — A juvenile unaffiliated with the University, 11, was arrested at about 2:45 a.m. for allegedly assaulting a police officer on the 4000 block of Chestnut Street.

The Quakers are scheduled to compete in four straight dual matches Saturday, as they venture to Troy, N.Y., to take part in the Northeast Duals.