In the wake of strong pressure from disgruntled students and alumni, University officials have revoked their invitation to former Secretary of State James Baker to speak at this year's Commencement.

Penn's Division of Public Safety will no longer release any information regarding crimes that occur in the Penn Police patrol zone, DPS officials announced yesterday. The move will make it impossible for anyone outside DPS to know when crimes are committed or track trends and statistics concerning area crime.

After deadlocking in negotiations with Google and Microsoft to replace the aging Webmail system, Penn administrators have finally found a solution. By next semester, Webmail will be gone for good, replaced by an innovative new system hosted by Western Union.

In the end, it's not about putting your family in a good environment. It's not about a commitment to winning. It's not about the money. Wait - actually, it is about the money. At least it is for Billy Gillispie, who signed on as Princeton's basketball coach just a week after inking with Kentucky, just a week after re-signing with Texas A&M;.

Wilson hires Penn's O-line coach to teach his guys how to tackle Acting on a pledge he made in 2006, Columbia football coach Norries Wilson hired Penn offensive line coach Jon McLaughlin yesterday. "What we should do is hire Penn's O-line coach to teach our guys how to tackle," Wilson had said after his defense was manhandled by Penn.

Robb. Ward. McIntosh. The terrific trio - one part accused murder, one part child pornographer and one part sexual offender - is coming back to campus to teach Penn students, O.J. Simpson-style. The Criminology department has sponsored a symposium, to be held next Thursday, that will feature the three embattled professors' thoughts on the art of not getting caught.

This may be more than just a drive-thru experience for actor Kal Penn. Penn, already slated to teach two undergraduate courses in the University's Asian American Studies Program for the spring 2008 semester, will now replace Fred Scatena as the Department Chair of Earth and Environmental Science.

Forget about the "Screwdriver man." Last night, a female College sophomore was held up on the 4200 block of Spruce Street at point-of-crayon, Division of Public Safety officials said. The student was walking home at around 9 p.m. when she was confronted by a short child holding a crayon.

Stephen Robert Morse is a hothead - dare we say hottie - from Long Island.

The Penn women's lacrosse team has swept its longest road trip of the year. And if its form in these games is any measure, the winning could continue for a while. In the last leg of the four-game swing on Saturday, the No. 11 Quakers (10-1, 3-0 Ivy) continued to dominate the Ivy League, pounding Harvard, 15-3.

Senior pitcher Erin Boyle must have ice water running through her veins. Boyle came in to "stop the bleeding," as she put it, after a rough first inning in the second game of Penn's doubleheader against Brown, when the Quakers opened the game by allowing five runs to score.

Yale provided a cold, cruel wakeup call to the women's tennis team on Friday, but the Quakers woke up just as quickly. Heavily-favored Penn beat Yale 5-2 and Brown 7-0, but not before the team was dealt a scare. The Quakers (13-4, 3-0 Ivy) lost 2-1 in doubles against the Bulldogs (7-8, 2-1), putting them behind early on.

Matteo Fontana, a U.S. Education Department senior official, was suspended Friday for holding more than $100,000 worth of stock in a student loan company while he monitored the loan industry. The Education Department discovered Thursday that Fontana, a general manager in the Office of Federal Student Aid, held shares in 2003 in the parent company of Student Loan XPress.

When it comes to expanding the study of warfare, professors may be fighting an uphill battle. Arthur Waldron, who currently teaches "Strategy Policy and War," is looking to develop additional simulations in which students would employ strategic decision-making skills in military scenarios.

If Penn is forced to share the Ivy League men's tennis crown again this season, it won't be with Brown. The Quakers swept their New England road trip this weekend, getting by Yale with a 4-3 victory on Friday before upsetting fellow defending co-champion Brown 5-2 the following afternoon.

It must have taken snow to finally make Tim Kaijala feel at home. The junior middle-distance runner charged ahead of the pack to easily win the men's 800-meter race on Saturday with a NCAA Regional, qualifying time of 1:50.

For Engineering junior Warren Jackson, a good idea has finally translated into $5,000 in cash.