The closest thing I can compare it to is what Liverpool FC manager Jürgen Klopp calls “Heavy Metal Football” — and well, ladies and gentlemen, what the Quakers have finally worked their way into is Heavy Metal Basketball.

It’ll be a long bus ride home for Penn women’s basketball. Across sports as a whole, many athletes hate losing more than they like winning, and that holds especially true at the elite level. And that’s exactly why this weekend isn’t as bad as it seems.

Penn women’s basketball split their second Ivy League road trip doubleheader with a win at Brown followed by their first conference loss at the hands of Yale. Despite the 61-48 defeat, the Quakers (15-7, 8-1 Ivy) still remain in sole possession of first place in the league. But that doesn’t mean they played first-place basketball this weekend.

Put the funeral pyres away — Penn men’s basketball is back. Boosted by a ridiculous 27-2 first-half run spearheaded by a career-best shooting performance from freshman shooting guard Ryan Betley, the Quakers jumped out to a 25-point first-half lead at Brown and never looked back, cruising to a 96-72 win over the Bears.

In a widely-cited piece of compelling data journalism, The New York Times last month compiled a list of the 38 American colleges and universities that enroll more students from the top one percent of the U.S.

Rock-bottom after six games, even we had written this team off. But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the Quakers have taken the bull that is the Ivy League by the horns and is almost halfway through a Mission Impossible: going from 0-6 to finish in fourth place and make the Ivy League Tournament.

In what was arguably Penn women’s basketball’s wildest game since last year’s epic Ivy title-clinching win at Princeton, the Quakers battled back to overcome a 16-point first-quarter deficit and edge a feisty Brown squad, 71-68, to keep their dreams of Ancient Eight perfection alive. Here are our biggest takeaways from the epic contest:

One player Penn could not have lived without at Brown was junior Michelle Nwokedi. The star forward kept her team in the game all night, scoring 21 points and giving five assists in the process. It was her composure in the second and third quarters of the contest that enabled the Quakers to slowly carve out Brown’s large lead.

Student Caleb O'Neil received a letter notifying him of the suspension and of requirements that he submit a written apology to the professor and an essay about the incident.

Bell has worked with the likes of former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) and former Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter. 

Vice President for Columbia's Campus Services Scott Wright told the Spectator this new dining model will not change meal plan pricing.

The SEPTA Key card will see a city-wide release this week, after a test run of the system on Feb. 9 at the 69th Street Transportation Center in Upper Darby.

“How do you not pay women equitably?” one of the trustees asked in the meeting. 

Emile Bruneau, a research associate at the Annenberg School for Communication, said his results suggest Trump's executive order on immigration, which the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals recently halted, may "promote" violence rather than decrease it.

A student speaker from the UA spoke at the meeting, saying that if tuition increases as steadily as it has been, it will cost over $100,000 in 11 years to attend Penn. “Where will the red line be?” he asked.

GROUP THINK is the DP’s round table section, where we throw a question at the columnists and see what answers stick.

Former Secretary of State Madeleine K. Albright and former National Security Advisor Stephen J. Hadley will be hosting a discussion on “A New Approach to the Middle East” at Penn.