(This article appeared in the 4/5/04 joke issue)Apparently, students and area residents have not been "lovin' it" lately.
After a recent "McFlurry" of Pennsylvania health code violations, the McDonald's restaurant at 40th and Walnut streets will be forced to shut its doors.
According to Al McAfee, spokesman for the Pennsylvania Board of Restaurant Licensing, McDonald's has been cited for 14 health code violations in the last two weeks alone.
"Well, it isn't pretty," McAfee said. "Let's just say their kitchen makes those Chinese food trucks look sanitary."
He refused to elaborate further until pending criminal investigations into the repeated violations are resolved.
The apparent loss of McDonald's, which has been at its current location since 1972, came as a shock to some area residents.
"I grew up on that food," said Miguel Cervantes, a West Philadelphia resident. "Until my stomach stapling, I ate there almost every day."
University officials were also quick to recognize the severe blow to late-night dining options near campus caused by the closing of McDonald's.
"Now I have nowhere to go when it's 3 a.m. and I'm stoned off my ass," said an apparently frustrated Judith Rodin. "Dude, this sucks."
Incoming University President Amy Gutmann also seemed disappointed when informed of the closing.
"When we're not sampling the hors d'oeuvres at our pretentious eating clubs, we Princetonians have been known to sneak a few McRib sandwiches every now and then," Gutmann said.
Additionally, future plans for the site have not been determined, although several University officials have offered their opinions on the issue.
"I'd really like to see Au Bon Pain go in there," Provost Robert Barchi said. "I'd really like to see a few more of those around campus -- there really are no options if you just want a cup of coffee."
Rebecca Bushnell, dean of the College of Arts and Sciences, believes that the area would be better served without having another restaurant located at the former McDonald's site.
"I've always wanted to see a Mystery Fun House on campus -- you know, with all the mirrors and trap doors," Bushnell said. "And our gothic students would absolutely love it."
Student organizations are also getting involved, proposing an assortment of remedies for the situation.
On Thursday, the executive board of the Sigma Delta Tau sorority voted unanimously on a resolution to ask administration officials to lure either a Prada or Kate Spade store to the prime location.
"After Steve Madden closed, we've really been left with nothing," said one SDT member, refusing to give her name. "Seriously, am I supposed to shop at Gap or something?"
Undergraduate Assembly Chairman and College senior Jason Levy has vowed not to sleep until the vacancy has been filled.
"This is so distressing, and is truly an injustice to the Penn community. I mean, I was just starting to really like those all-white meat chicken McNuggets."
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