Rebecca Davidson: My right turn at tragedy

Sometime during a lull in the ghastly reports of Sept. 11, I called my mother's office.

I asked to be put through to the judge's chamber -- something I have never asked before, as my mother is an attorney -- to try and locate her quickly. She came on the line

"Go home," I insisted. "Go home." She calmly told me they are finishing up in court, and will leave the building soon. When I spoke to her again, in the early afternoon, she was shaken.

"I saw the second plane hit, Becky," she said in an eerily soft voice. "I saw it happen out the window.

"There's probably going to be a war," she went on, "and a lot of boys you know will go. And I know it's selfish of me, but I just thank God that I have daughters and not sons."

I hadn't seen my mother shed a tear in almost a decade. And as I listened to her cry for my generation, I knew the world had changed.

When she regained control of herself, she ran through a short list of friends and neighbors who work in and around the World Trade Center. All are accounted for.

The six pink roses I had sent her that day, on the occasion of her 47th birthday, seem moot; our world had turned to gray and ash.

On Sept. 11, I was, for the first time, able to fully accept George W. Bush as my president, the leader of the nation and of the free world. I was able to feel proud of my country, a land wracked by terror, as superficial boundaries collapsed. Nobody was a hyphenated American anymore. We came together in our fear and our confusion, vainly attempting to create some sort of order and understanding.

In the aftermath of the attacks, I find myself re-evaluating that timeless grammar school topic, "What being an American means to me."

For a long time, any demonstration of nationalism left me feeling skeptical at best. I mistrusted it, scoffed when veterans spoke about the United States in what I saw as overly defensive, nativist tones. Anyone who advocated an increase in defense spending exasperated me.

Who would attack us? In Israel, even militant Palestinians avoid targeting American tourists, for fear of retaliation. As a superpower, we were invincible. Maintaining a large military always seemed excessive.

I now understand. I now understand the urge to fight anyone who rocks America's sense of security. I understand the urge to avenge 5,000 civilian deaths.

Penn's pan-discuss listserv has been flooded with messages of peace and ideas of organizing against war in recent days. But I will not join the organizers, and I will not fight against the war, should it come.

This is no Vietnam. That war was, arguably, not ours to fight. But this is absolutely and undeniably an American battle. Our land was targeted, and our citizens killed. Eleven people from my hometown are missing, including a young mother, a recreational hockey coach and two residents from a single street.

While complete consensus of ideas is potentially dangerous, I believe that in our present emergency, unity is necessary, and I am disappointed that so many are throwing their energies in an attempt to rally for peace.

I support our troops. I, who at the age of 10, questioned Operation Desert Storm, who grew disgusted studying past wars, am ready to rally with them.

In the wake of the recent terrorist attacks, I can commiserate with the thousands of refugees who are now fleeing Afghanistan. Sadly, innocent Afghan people will undoubtedly suffer as a result of U.S. retaliation.

But the people of Afghanistan have suffered for years, first under Russian occupation, then under the Taliban's extremist rule.

Taliban leaders rant and rave about their "pure Islamic state." But any educated person -- Islamic or not -- will tell you that their policy of essentially chaining women to their homes while simultaneously harboring a murderous terrorist has nothing -- nothing -- to do with the Quran or any other Islam teaching.

With countless others, I pray for many things. I pray for a day when nations do beat their swords into plowshares. I pray for a day when we shall not know war anymore.

But until that day comes, I stand with my country.

Rebecca Davidson is a senior English major from Glen Rock, NJ.

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