COLUMN: Why must we live separate lives?

From Miranda Salomon's, "Notes From the Lilypad," Fall '96 From Miranda Salomon's, "Notes From the Lilypad," Fall '96Discontinuing co-ed housingFrom Miranda Salomon's, "Notes From the Lilypad," Fall '96Discontinuing co-ed housingin University residences after From Miranda Salomon's, "Notes From the Lilypad," Fall '96Discontinuing co-ed housingin University residences after freshman year is a disservice. From Miranda Salomon's, "Notes From the Lilypad," Fall '96Discontinuing co-ed housingin University residences after freshman year is a disservice. During RA training in August, I was told most acquaintance rapes at Penn happen during the first six weeks of the school year. I believe that's true. The first weeks of college can be dangerous for a freshman (or woman) away from home for the first time. But after a short while, almost everybody gets used to being here, and the "red zone" of danger and confusion ends. Penn's commitment to co-ed first-year housing encourages students to see each other as people, instead of potential dates. This leads to mutual respect, as students stop trying to take advantage of each other and start the difficult business of living together. But when we are sophomores, juniors and seniors, if we choose to remain on campus, the same experience is suddenly off-limits. Most of us come from co-ed homes, where both sexes share living rooms and bathrooms in relative harmony. When we get to college, though, we have to live with a variety of people our own age. Many freshmen haven't had close, platonic friends of the opposite sex before. When that happens, the benefits make the initial strangeness worthwhile. It's hard to be sexist when you have true friends of both sexes; you learn to extend your capacity for compassion beyond your own family. I see it happening already with my own hall of freshmen. While there was definitely tension at the beginning, they now look out for each other more than they try to hook-up with each other. They've begun to develop a mature attitude toward one another, which will eventually extend beyond our hallway. Unfortunately, next year everything will be different. The integrated, accepting Class of 2000 will move into sorority and fraternity houses and into the sexually segregated High Rises. The progress they made as freshmen will have to stand the test of time and space. And all Greek life aside, the University encourages single-sex housing for upperclassmen as strongly as it supports a co-ed living experience for freshmen. True, most sophomores might choose to live only with friends of the same sex. But the University doesn't trust us to make this decision on our own. I called the Residential Life Assignments Office to find out if it would be possible for me to live in, say, a four-bedroom apartment with two other women and our best guy friend. I was told that would not be permitted under any circumstances, because "Those are the rules." No further explanation was provided. Four bedrooms, four people; I guess they are afraid we would use the same couch, kitchen and bathroom. My own Quad bathroom is co-ed after midnight, and disaster has not yet struck. But maybe I'm just being idealistic and naive. Community Living is an option for those who hope to continue friendships that began freshman year, but it's just not the same as having the freedom to choose your roommates and still live on campus. There is nothing to stop a sophomore woman from going to a fraternity house to visit a male friend. Trouble is, many simply don't feel comfortable being the only woman in a house of men who have chosen to live together and call each other "brothers." The same is true for a man who visits a friend at a sorority house. If he feels self conscious, it's because, by definition, he really doesn't belong there. The Greek system has its own rules, and individuals have the right to choose to participate and accept them. The University, on the other hand, dictates living arrangements for almost everybody at some point, even if it's only for one year. And with the number of armed robberies and muggings this month, off-campus housing is a less attractive alternative than ever. Twenty-five years ago, the Quad was still all-male and women were banished to the fortress that was Hill House -- complete with a curfew that applied only to them. Penn has come a long way since then, and we have finally achieved something close to equality in terms of the numbers of men and women on campus. But living together takes lots of practice, and just as we start getting good at it, the rules all change again. Is the University afraid of protest from our bill-paying parents? We should have the right to make our own decisions, upset our parents (or not) and learn from the experience in the process.