Allred named God of art gods

So the saga continues and the untouchable title of the Medulla Oblongata has been passed on to yet another unsuspecting sophomore. Those who follow the art within the pages may have noticed the repeated performances of a particular talent. He's the new art director, and he's from Oklahoma. Lance Allred has become the new Medulla Oblongata. Delving deep into the depths of this newly initiated art editor's personal history has revealed several stories of interest hiding beneath the cool and calm manner of the artist. The sources of this report are two prominent women in his life, Gladeen Allred, his mother and Hayley Mount, an ex-girlfriend from high school who also attends this prestigious, indubitable university. Mother Allred and Mount corroborate on a few generally known facts about young Lance. He was popular for his artistic talent in high school -- making cartoons, t-shirts, doodles and reading his own collection of comic books. Allred was also a track star and winner of two conference championships. He enjoys being funny, idolizes Larry Bird, and loves the Dallas Cowboys. Both women contend that Allred didn't like to go to high school dances. He said he only went to prom because his girlfriend wanted to. "No -- not much rhythm there," Mount acknowledeged. Interestingly enough, at the time Allred was dating Mount, he seemed to be even more infatuated with her mother, Mrs. Mount. "He thought my mom was sooo hot," the younger Mount said. "He would come over to see my mother, not me." The elder Mount could not be reached for comment. Allred was president of the German club (even though he can't speak German), and a member of the worst intermural basketball team ever, called Roadkill, the kind of team where "the guys jump on each others backs to dunk the ball," he said. But what about the Lance Allred of today. He remains a faithful Dallas Cowboys fan in the midst of Philadelphia, he still wrestles with his younger brother, Brett, and continues to woo women who wear those three triangles on their chests. Although he is rumored to reside in High Rise South, you might want to check 4044 Spruce Street first. On a more serious but no less truthful note, Allred's mother relayed a story that they felt sums up the character of our new artistic leader. Allred was running in an important high school track meet when the runner just in front of him fell down. He tripped over the runner and fell as the competition ran by, his chances of winning were ruined. Despite the accident, Lance got up and continued to run, finishing the race. This stood out in his mother's memory and she was proud of that moment. Let's hope he makes it to the finish line that his predecessor barely crossed.