I definitely did not peak in high school. I went to two or three parties maximum. I put all of my free time toward participating in extracurriculars, leading projects, or learning new skills and instruments. I gave little attention to trendy outfits, dressing in sweaters and hoodies paired with the same burgundy yoga pants or Brandy Melville sweatpants. I told myself I’d focus solely on academics in high school, and wait to peak in college.
In the summer months following my senior year of high school, I may have spent more time building a more mature and trendy persona in preparation for college life than researching the academic opportunities at Penn. I’ve justified this by instilling in my mind the importance of social exploration in college, as I believed it to be the point where my life “really begins.” It’s the newfound independence combined with a youthful glow that makes the college era unique to me.
While anxiously waiting for move-in, I developed a habit of doomscrolling on social media and consequently curated my feed to include nonstop “advice for incoming college freshmen” tip videos. There was a recurring central piece of advice among them (whether stated directly or not): say “yes” to everything.
Attending parties, campus events, and clubs was no longer optional. I was adamant about participating in every activity Penn had to offer. As someone who has always been on the more introverted and soft-spoken side, I knew that internalizing this “say yes to everything” mantra would also imply that I adopt a more outgoing personality that I had never felt as familiar with. However, this idea of essentially rebranding myself into a social butterfly is something I’ve welcomed with open arms. Penn being 3,000 miles away from my hometown made transforming myself into a whole new person in college seem absolutely achievable and even exhilarating.
But framing the beginning of college as a complete fresh start is not only inaccurate — it also neglects acknowledgment of the value behind significant aspects of your past.
Self-reflection, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is defined as engaging in “careful thought about your own behavior and beliefs.” Reflective practices can have many mental health benefits that lead to personal growth. When it comes to navigating friendships, considering your past experiences and interactions with others can help you identify relationships that are healthy for your self-growth and thus worth keeping.
Reflecting on your past is also important for setting tangible goals that will help you improve in your future. If past experiences are overlooked, you can expect to keep making the same mistakes and not make a real change to your bad habits.
As I build new friendships with various peers at Penn, I’ve decided to additionally prioritize reflection. I thought about habits I’d let go of, such as trying to be everyone’s best friend and depending constantly on gaining acceptance from others. I also thought about things I’d like to keep: good organizational habits, my monthly budget tracker, my insatiable drive for social justice, and certain high school friendships.
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Throughout the summer, I put in the effort to maintain the friendships that I see myself carrying through college. After making a list of just a few close friends, I made plans with each of them to meet up and hang out before we left for college. I had a deep late-night car talk with one of my closest friends, which ended in a vow between us to continue being there for each other during and after the next four years. I promised my friends FaceTimes, text updates, and a time-lapse of my dorm move-in. Goodbye began to feel less like a great separation, and more like a “see you later” that wasn’t a robotic valediction, but rather had a genuine connotation.
My friends and I acknowledged that we would grow throughout college, yet still committed to holding onto our connection in a way that wouldn’t be overbearing and would complement our propensity to explore and meet new people. Maintaining relationships I value instead of pressuring myself to replace them with new college friendships has provided me with a solid support system as I integrate into early college life. Knowing that I have people already in my corner, getting acclimated to the college social scene isn’t as isolating or intimidating.
You are not becoming a new person in college; rather, you are building on the memories and relationships of your past that made you who you are in the present. As you say “yes” to new experiences, also say “yes” to growing — not abandoning — your authentic self and relationships.
CARINA THOMAS is a College first year studying sociology from Berkeley, Calif. Her email is carinath@sas.upenn.edu.
