*This article appeared in the 2008 Joke Issue.
Students across campus have reported a number of abuses of the Division of Public Safety's new text alert system.
DPS, students say, has been sending text messages that get a little bit too personal, probing students about their weekend plans and using the letter "u" in place of the actual word.
"I mean, I thought it was kind of funny at first," said College junior Tali Yahalom. "But then they started sending me texts on Shabbat. That wasn't kosher."
The most common text, "what r u doin 2nite?" has left many students slightly unsettled.
"Honestly, I haven't read a message like that since, like, middle school," said College sophomore and resident beauty queen Alyssa Schwenk. "But if anyone wants to know, tonight I'll be at KA. Cute red dress. See you!"
DPS officials were vague about the misuse of their alert system, and no one has come forward and identified themselves as the phantom texter.
Safety and security of the system "is a shared responsibility," said Vice President for Public Safety Maureen Rush. "So the students take at least half of the blame."
To combat the problem, DPS communications experts will design pretty posters to hang all over campus, warning against the dangers of unattended text messaging.
