Iheartily affirm the motto, "The pen is mightier than the sword." Hence, when I took on this gig as a columnist, I did it in part because I thought it would allow me to spread love like Johnny Appleseed.
This week, I would like to take the first step toward spreading that love by reconciling the differences between two groups of people who have always been at each other's throats, complaining, generalizing, whining and more or less making our lives miserable. I'm talking, of course, about nice guys and the women who complain that they fall for jerks instead of nice guys, triggering nice guys' complaints and creating this whole cycle of never-ending back-and-forth that annoys us all.
Finally, there's a solution -- one which will hopefully end this debate once and for all. A friend of mine, whom I shall refer to simply as "Dr. Z" (a hardcore psychology buff who's also in Wharton) has put together his knowledge of people and markets to craft a theory which sheds some much-needed light on the nature of male-female relations. It's called "The Ego Currency Model of Male-Female Relationships."
Hear this out.
Dr. Z's theory is based on three basic assumptions. First, all women have a concept of themselves -- who they are, how attractive they are, what their likes and dislikes are and so forth. All these elements collectively comprise their ego. Likewise, men also have egos comprising the same elements. Because of this, they share the same currency -- ego currency -- through which they exchange perceptions about themselves. Males and females thus build their egos with ego currency: the positive feedback, compliments, kind treatment, etc., that they receive from the opposite sex.
Obviously, everyone loves receiving ego currency; we all welcome compliments. But, as with money, we don't all earn and spend ego currency at the same rate. Some people have hyperinflated egos because they receive compliments all the time and never compliment or act submissively to anyone else; that is, they are net aggrandizers of ego currency. Attractive women clearly fall into this category, because they often receive compliments, free drinks, favors and so on from males interested in them. Similarly, attractive men -- as well as arrogant men who tend to be labeled as jerks -- also have hyperinflated egos because they receive more ego currency than they spend. Conversely, insecure, unattractive or otherwise undesirable women are low in ego currency, as are their male counterparts. These are men who we tend to call nice guys; they are the perennial net exporters of ego currency.
Given this four-fold division, it is obvious where all the problems arise. Women love having their egos built up; therefore, they rely on the nice guys to provide them with the necessary ego currency by listening to them, making them laugh, complimenting them, giving them gifts and otherwise making them feel better about themselves. In turn, women take this ego currency and go out looking for "real men" -- men who they consider confident, attractive and evolutionarily superior to the nice guys. Often, but certainly not always, these guys turn out to be jerks, or guys with hyperinflated egos but with little to back up those egos. All that matters is the appearance of having a large ego; if a guy can successfully convince a female that he has a big ego, then he wins the game of attraction (although sooner or later the woman may discover his real identity and promptly complain about him to her nice-guy friend, who will re-build her broken ego by a net unilateral transfer of ego currency).
Obviously, then, the nice guy is only useful to the female as an ego-booster. He is a repair kit, and nothing more. This is because he does not threaten the female's ego; that is, he does not act in a way that makes the female desire him. High ego-currency males, conversely, do threaten female egos, because the females try to get their attention and the only way to do that is to give up some of their ego currency.
Some females thus enter into a vicious cycle of high-low ego currency exchanges, often resulting in dissatisfying relationships and negative experiences. The nice guys, on the other hand, become whinier, more annoying and more misogynous, and lower the quality of life for us all.
Of course, this does not apply to all women or all men, but I hope that, thanks to Dr. Z, those selective individuals who identify themselves as nice guys and women who find themselves in dissatisfying relationships can both take positive actions to improve their respective situations and leave us all in peace.
Look at the big picture for a second, though: What does this say about the human species as a whole? Not very much, I fear. I remember watching a program on the Discovery Channel about the mating habits of some exotic spider; all that the male spider had to do was tap his foot three times in front of the female, and soon he was copulating with her.
I think we could all learn a lot from that spider.
Cezary Podkul is a junior Management and Philosophy major in Wharton and the College from Chicago, Ill. Cezary Salad appears on Mondays.
