COLUMN: "Can You See the Real Me?"

From Sumeet Goel's "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?", Spring '92 · Wouldn't it be great if guys could read girls' minds? It would make it so much simpler to understand the most confusing creatures placed down on this planet. Gone would be the nights of pondering what they hell "I like you" means. Forever banished would be the long heart-to-hearts with the guys over eight pitchers of beer trying to decide what it is that she really wants. Never again would a guy screw himself over because he went after a girl who didn't like him or because he didn't go after one that did. Imagine how much heavier your wallet would be: you wouldn't have to waste money on something that wasn't happening. And think about it -- guys would actually know how a girl would react to what they say or do ahead of time. · Wouldn't it be great if girls could read guys' minds? It would make it so much simpler to understand the most unemotional creatures placed down on this planet. Now you could really know whether he was a sensitive guy, or just someone in the running for an Oscar. Forever banished would be the long heart-to-hearts with girls in front of the mirror over what it is that he really wants. Never again would a girl screw herself over because a guy read her wrong and implied that she liked him when she didn't, or because she didn't imply it when she actually did. And think about it -- girls would actually know whether the guy was being cocky to be more macho or was just simply an asshole. · Wouldn't it suck if people could read your mind? Gone would be any sense of privacy or free thought. You'd probably have to get rid of all but two of your friends, because, deep inside, everyone passionately hates something about everyone. Your parents would throw you out of the house. You could never mentally undress anyone. You would actually have to be 21 to get into a bar. You would be arrested for 87 counts of attempted murder for the number of times you have wished death upon a professor or blood relative. You could never look someone straight in the face again. Wouldn't it suck? · JUST WONDERING: No lyrics this week, just a basic musical question from "The Joker" (a.k.a. "Some people call me a space cowboy . . . ") that has puzzled me for years: What the hell is the "pomp-i-tous of love"? Sumeet Goel is a sophomore Communications and Finance major from Parsippany, New Jersey. "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?" appears alternate Thursdays.