In the infamous words of Ricky Bobby, “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” The first time I saw Talladega Nights I interpreted the jokes literally was so offended that my family took me to the movie theater with them that I almost cried.

The closest thing I can compare it to is what Liverpool FC manager Jürgen Klopp calls “Heavy Metal Football” — and well, ladies and gentlemen, what the Quakers have finally worked their way into is Heavy Metal Basketball.

It’ll be a long bus ride home for Penn women’s basketball. Across sports as a whole, many athletes hate losing more than they like winning, and that holds especially true at the elite level. And that’s exactly why this weekend isn’t as bad as it seems.

“At 5-foot-9 and 168 lbs, Zack DiGregorio is just slightly smaller than the average adult man, but is over 42 percent more likely to spill on himself when drinking water from a cup. This number increases to nearly 68 percent when other people are present.”

Coming into the weekend, Penn men's basketball’s chances to make the Ivy League Tournament and compete for a March Madness bid seemed almost nonexistent. The Quakers were not shooting well, and seemed unable to hold teams off down the stretch in games. But by early Sunday afternoon, it appears as though the Red and Blue have life once again.

Coming into the season, Penn’s starting front court of Michelle Nwokedi and Sydney Stipanovich got most of the attention.

Terrell Owens is hands down one of the greatest wide receivers in NFL history. Yet, for the second straight year he has failed to be enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The fact that less than the 80 percent of the 48-person selection committee voted to induct him yet again is a joke.

I went to both Penn-Princeton men's basketball games this year, and they tell the story of our team's season. They tell the story of a team that had the ability to hang with the best of the league, but just couldn't put it all together. They tell the story of a squad that had ample opportunities to earn their way back into competition, but faltered when it mattered most.

The last time we hosted you guys during a normal damn time of the school year to host one’s biggest rival (seriously, Ivy schedule-makers? FIVE years?), Penn won. That was also the last time we did these columns. So this game is pretty much in the bag.

What’s the exact opposite of the remarkable 5-0 start the Tigers are enjoying this season? And the opposite of an eight-game winning streak, with victories against the likes of Harvard, Dartmouth, Yale, and Brown?

Last November, Aaron Rodgers predicted his struggling team would “run the table”. At the time, Rodgers' Packers were 4-6, two games out of first place in the division. By season’s end, they had done exactly that. Penn men’s basketball team finds itself in a somewhat similar position. 

It’s time to start thinking about the big picture. These past two days have been demonstrative of Penn women’s basketball’s Ancient Eight dominance. But the team needs to be careful to not allow the Ivy League bubble obfuscate its awareness of the talent exhibited by the rest of the NCAA.

This Sunday, Tom Brady will start his seventh Super Bowl, and it makes me so hopeful about Penn football. Yes, you read that sentence right. Penn football and the Super Bowl? How are those even remotely related beyond that fact that they're part of the same sport? The answer lies in our quarterback, and NFL draft hopeful, Alek Torgersen.

These conversations did, however, make me think about how finite my own athletic career is, and what I want to make of it. As everyone reminded me when talking about sports, “it goes fast” and “you only get so many games.”

LOS ANGELES — The team that came to California was not going to defend its Ivy title. It isn’t just that Penn women’s basketball hadn’t been playing well — though that was certainly the case.

“Trust The Process.” The phrase is only three words, but for Philadelphia 76ers fans, it has come to mean so much more.

The Penn administration should mandate the attendance of athletic events. That’s right, you heard me.