So your roommate’s a slob… what now?

Welcome back to Ask Audrey, the advice column you write to for input from a stranger who loves hearing about other people’s problems. This week, we’ll be thinking about how to handle a roommate dynamic, balancing a love for each other with a hatred for living in a pigsty. 

This week’s question: “My roommates are slobs. Two of them to be precise. Is it too late in the year to do something? I truly love them but it’s making my life so much more complicated than it needs to be.”

You poor thing! Unfortunately, this is something that many, many people go through at some point when living with others. The real crux of the issue is balancing your relationship with your roommates with your desire to have a clean, peaceful living space that suits everyone’s needs. 

First and foremost, it’s never too late to say something. I don’t know if you’re planning to live with these two next year, but even if you aren’t, there are several months left in the semester, and you deserve the opportunity to at least give them the potential to improve their cleaning habits. 

I think this is a conversation that should be had in person, rather than sending a text, which could easily be misconstrued. In my opinion, the next time the three of you are in a common area together, you should bring up the mess, and how you’d feel much more comfortable in a cleaner space. Bonus points if you can point to a pile of clutter or something like that for reference.  It doesn’t have to be a scolding, more of a polite request between friends that they “help you feel better about the space” by cleaning up more.

It would be most helpful to give examples of ways they should be cleaning; maybe you can consider if the issue is more clutter based, in which case, you could suggest one day a week where they put everything back in its rightful place, or dirt based — which would require dusting, wiping surfaces, etc. Either way, suggesting specific tasks shared on a routine basis seems like the best way to make sure they don’t agree in the moment and then never do anything about it.

In the case that they do agree in the moment and then never clean, you’ll have to balance how much you value your friendship and how much you value your clean space. On the one hand, you could argue that by not cleaning, they’re not particularly respecting the request of a good friend. This is super case-by-case, and is heavily based on your previous experiences with them and how close you are. If they’re otherwise wonderful close friends, then maybe you choose to view it as an opportunity to practice resilience, and remind them a few more times without any major conflict.

I wish you the best of luck in this situation. As a self-identified Type-A personality who is happiest in a clean and cozy space, I can sympathize with how you feel here. Remember though, everyone places value on aspects of their lives differently. Your roommates being slobs is absolutely something that you should address — but not something that has to change your relationship or your feelings towards them. Thanks for writing in.

If you’re interested in submitting anonymously to Ask Audrey, feel free to do so here. All advice should be taken with a grain of salt. 

AUDREY LEVENSON is a College junior studying political science and English from Pelham, N.Y. Her email is audklev@sas.upenn.edu.