More than just a place to live, each freshman hall encapsulates a unique social dynamic. But while some are more outlandish than others, the craziest ones are worth being remembered.
The ‘Serial Shitter’
For residents of one Fisher hall, trips to the bathroom come with excessive risk.
On two known occasions, a defecating denizen released a load in the bathroom — just not in the toilet. Dubbed the “serial shitter” by residents, the culprit remains unknown by the hall.
“We now have a pact to watch out for any suspicious people using our bathrooms,” a College freshman resident said. “If you see anyone using the bathroom, you follow them inside.”
On one occasion, she said, a pile of poop was found on the middle of the bathroom floor. The next time around, poop was allegedly smeared on the bathroom walls, though the resident admitted she has “not been blessed enough to see the evidence.” Fact or fiction, people were afraid to enter the bathroom for weeks, she said.
It would seem that bathroom shenanigans are all too common in the Nipple — reports continue of excessive restroom nakedness and impromptu shower serenades.
McKean’s Residential Advisor sent an email in the aftermath to instill bathroom etiquette among residents, reminding students that the hall’s bathrooms are gender neutral and should not be occupied while naked “in order for everyone to feel like the bathrooms are a safe space.”
And of course, the RA added that “it is never appropriate to poop anywhere except inside a toilet.”
Loud and proud
(sometimes)
On one Penn freshman’s birthday, his hall-mates took the onus to Photoshop his face onto Beyonce’s body and plaster photos throughout the hall and in his room.
“Beyonce is Bae. Beyonce is Queen. Beyonce is life,” said the College student in the Integrated Studies Program who resides in Warwick.
Residents of this hall certainly harbor a deep devotion to their Queen and her music, but sometimes the sounds that gets blasted through the dorm walls weren’t meant to be enjoyed communally.
Indeed, one particularly sexually active resident of the hall may not realize how thin the walls are. He “likes to play music during his sexy time,” said one resident, adding that the rest of the hall disapproved of his choice to play “Funky Town” while he and an unidentified girl were getting busy.
Sex noises, and sexual relations in general, happen frequently enough in these parts that sometimes things go a little wrong.
When one resident was MERTed after bringing a girl back to his room, his roommate opted not to accompany him to the hospital (the jury’s still out on whether the girl rode along).
The hall currently houses two ongoing relationships, and residents are keeping their bets on who will be the first hall-couple to get married.
The Mono Hall
Residents of one Ware hall in E.F. Smith have dubbed themselves the “Monotones” for infecting each other with mononucleosis.
“We all have mono because our entire hall has hooked up with each other,” a College freshman resident said. “My friends and I made a floorcest map.”
Recently, the plight has spread to the floors above and below, and could spread father if it goes unchecked. It’s probably good, then, that the RA once delivered condoms to one resident’s room.
The propagation of mono could be due in part to the hall’s collective good looks. The resident described E.F. Smith’s residents as “all very social and very attractive,” but also characteristically diverse, sort of like “the Breakfast Club of halls.”
“The incestuousness began during NSO, and it’s continued a little bit here and there,” she said. “There’s a lot of sharing of foods and everything, and a lot of swapping spit and everything.”
Residents of E.F. Smith bring their hall enthusiasm outside of the bedroom as well. After consuming an entire box of insomnia cookies and several cartons of milk, residents blasted High School Musical throwback style. Taking advantage of their musical inclinations, they joined together with instruments and posted a video online of their performance. When an RA walked in to reprimand them for a noise complaint, he reportedly said, “This is the most sober fun I’ve ever seen anyone have.”
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