*This article appeared in the 2008 Joke Issue.
The University announced yesterday that DuBois College House will not be renovated.
The University will no longer even considering pursuing the dorm's much-needed renovations.
In fact, the building will never be renovated, Facilities spokesman Tony Sorrentino said.
Instead, the University will simply wait for DuBois' structure to collapse, causing the building to fall down like the South Street Bridge.
Some students have expressed outrage following the announcement.
Wharton and College junior Lisa Zhu, who is the United Minorities Chairwoman, UA member, a DP columnist, Wilson Tong's roommate and a fervent supporter of ASAM studies, said she would go on a hunger strike until the University agrees to renovate DuBois.
Penn President Amy Gutmann refuted those allegations.
"We do care about diversity," she said. But Gutmann added, "Just not that much."
In other housing news, 1996 alumnus Peter Cooperman agreed to donate $50,000 to renovate the high rise elevators.
A student was also burned by the glare reflected from the Radian. He was treated at HUP for minor skin irritations.
