Criminals with horse names
Hollywood Summer Nights: Bonnie and Clyde
Wednesday, July 12
7 p.m.
Bryn Mawr Film Institute
free with student ID or $8.75
610-527-9898
www.brynmawrfilm.org
Here's the problem with the summer: Entourage is only on once a week. For the rest of the time, you need to find some other way to get that Hollywood fix, and Bryn Mawr, "the Hollywood of the East," has your answer. Throughout the summer, they will be showing classic movies, with stars even bigger than Vincent Chase-though without the rap soundtrack, unfortunately. Bonnie and Clyde has everything you could possibly want in a movie: violence, comedy, death, sex, and even some mystery: why can't Clyde get it up?
J Lo Lovers
Hispanic Fiesta
July 8 and 9
noon to 8 p.m.
Great Plaza at Penn's Landing
Free
www.primezone.com
You know this fiesta is authentic because it's a "Hispanic Fiesta," not a "Frat-Party Fiesta," which means no radioactive margaritas. This is a free celebration at Penn's Landing and is part of the Philadelphia Puerto Rican Festival. Yeah, I didn't know there was a Puerto Rican Festival either, but if you get out your best popped collar shirt you could probably go hang out, snap your fingers, and pretend to be a Jet. Don't sing though, they have plenty of professionals there to do that. And salsa dancers!
Bearded lady: Aka your mom
Cirque du Soleil: QUIDAM
July 6 - 23
Grand Chapiteau
$67.50-$190.00
www.cirquedusoleil.com The entertainment industry is based on the fact that we will all pay money to watch people who are better looking, better sounding, and in better shape than us. Because the entire troupe of Cirque du Soleil is so ungodly flexible, they deserve their huge ticket prices. Your student discount won't last forever, so you might as well use it now on this upscale circus. Then you'll want to use it at that Yoga place so that you don't feel so lazy.
Summertime and the living is easy
Schuylkill Banks River Jazz Tours
June 24 - August 5
Midnight
Schuylkill River
$30
1-888-RIV-PHIL
http://www.schuylkillbanks.org/
You may not realize this, but the Schuylkill River, when obscured by utter darkness, is actually sort of pretty. If you would describe the person who asked you out in a similar way, then the Schuylkill Banks River Jazz Tours are made for you. Live Jazz performers will serenade you down that glorious river, and because Philadelphia has such good Jazz, you could be having the worst date of your life and you'd forget it. Or, say you're one of those old-fashioned couples who actually like each other: what's more romantic than hearing "Summertime" in the Summertime?
What is love?
The Naked Truth
July 7 - 30
Roger La Pelle Gallery
215-592-0232
http://www.netreach.net/~lapelle/
If you're like me, the World Cup has been giving you plenty of opportunities to admire the male figure. However, it doesn't last forever, and when it ends after this weekend, you're going to need another source "male figurative work," which is exactly what the Roger La Pelle Gallery's new exhibition will provide. They don't have an updated website, because that's just how artistic they are, so you'll have to go figure out what The Naked Truth is on your own.
