DP SWAMIS: 45 years of Pigskin Prognostication

The Quotes are real. So are the turbans. Still, Floyd was there on Thursday. Indeed, when we flew our carpets down to Timberlake, there was Floyd, in the flesh. He was revving his dirtbike in the driveway. Even though he shares a name with both a deadly hurricane and Penn's first -- and not so deadly -- opponent of the year, Floyd Green was nothing short of shocked when we asked him if he would honor us as the first guest Swami of 1999. Emphasis on the nothing. Floyd displayed about as much emotion as a violent tropical cyclone with winds moving at 74 or more miles per hour, often accompanied by torrential rains, and originating usually in the West African region -- none whatsoever. Also, he predicted that Penn State would beat Dartmouth, 35-6. That's when we got back on our carpets and resumed our search. With Floyd out of the picture, we were desperate. But then one Swami suggested former Dartmouth kicker and longtime Kansas City Chief Nick Lowery, and off we went on our carpets. Given the hurricane and our budget constraints, however, our redirected fleet of carpets crash landed in Hopkinsville, Ky., where we found not Nick Lowery the kicker but Nick Lowery the chiropractor. Finding the alum of a college we didn't catch the name of in San Lorenzo, Calif., where the weather is "not at all like Dartmouth," according to Lowery, wound up being a stroke of luck. All of that carpet travel is hell on the back, and we needed some quick treatment. When we arrived, Lowery offered us a pearl of chiropractic wisdom that we mistook for back-breaking humor. "Two half people don't make a whole one," he said. "That's just philosophy of life. If you can't be happy with yourself, you can't be happy with anyone else." Apparently Dr. Nick felt that the Columbia football program wasn't very happy with itself a few years back. When we asked him to select the result of the cowardly Lions' season opener, he told us that he thought Columbia had disbanded its football program after losing far too much. Funny, we had thought the same thing, except they kept popping up on the schedule. Even though Lowery's namesake played for the Chiefs and Jets, the Kentucky chiropractor pulls for the Arizona Cardinals because, "I just like Jake Plummer." When we asked his favorite college team, he said that he liked Arizona State because he lived down there for a while. We're not sure why that wasn't the reason he liked the Cards, but we're still busy trying to figure out Dr. Nick's life philosophy. Regardless of his knowledge of Columbia football, our new friend Nick did know one thing: Penn 28-14. Thanks, Nick.