LETTER TO THE EDITOR: Sex vs. Sexuality

To the Editor: First, he asserts that gays and lesbians should be satisfied with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy in the military. Mr. Teillon, like many other Americans, missed the point here. Gays and lesbians don't just want to be able to serve in the military. They want to be able to serve without fear of termination or punishment for being who they are. This carries over into other areas of society as well -- gays and lesbians do not want to have to fear discrimination on the job, in school, or anywhere else. They want to be treated fairly, regardless of whether people feel that being gay is "right" or "wrong." Gays and lesbians are human beings with basic rights that no one should be able to take away from them. Mr. Teillon also claims that gays and lesbians need validation from the government to "truly believe the verity of their lifestyles." Sure, some gays and lesbians are insecure about their sexuality, but why wouldn't they be considering how heterocentric our society is? Besides, not all heterosexuals are secure about their sexuality either. And many gays and lesbians are happy and secure and enjoy stable long-term relationships. Mr. Teillon states that gays and lesbians are radicals who are destroying our society's morality "by calling the cultural norms old-fashioned, oppressive and discriminatory." Well, I've got news for Mr. Teillon; quite a few people feel that certain cultural norms are old-fashioned and oppressive. Women, for example, would prefer to do away with the cultural norm that keeps them out of many high-paying executive jobs. African-Americans would like to eradicate the cultural norm that white children traditionally get a better education than black children. Perhaps because Mr. Teillon is a white man, he has not experienced any oppression or discrimination under the current cultural norms, but this does not mean that other people have not. Later in his column, Mr. Teillon asserts that sex should be kept private. I agree; however, sex and sexuality are not the same thing. Sex is an intimate act between two people. Sexuality is an aspect of one's personality that helps to define how one interacts with others and how one is perceived by others in society. The sexuality of heterosexuals is not kept private -- in fact, it is very pervasive in our society. Heterosexual couples are free to hold hands, to hug, and to kiss in public. Movies and books are filled with heterosexual romance. Heterosexual marriage is a big celebration, often involving large amounts of money, months of planning, and people traveling long distances to attend. The reaction to gay and lesbian sexuality is quite the opposite. Displays of affection between homosexual couples are usually met with disgust or disdain. If Mr. Teillon had his way, gay men and lesbians would not be allowed to reveal their sexuality. Finally, Mr. Teillon claims that gays and lesbians at Penn should turn to talk shows and pornographic movie houses with their issues because these are "the only places where deviance is the 'normal' pursuit and people give a damn about the bedroom behavior of others." Well, perhaps if Mr. Teillon were more aware, he would realize that many people -- both gay and straight -- do care about gays and lesbians. I myself am a straight, happily married woman, and I strongly support gay and lesbian rights. I am sure that someone like Mr. Teillon would have a hard time understanding why I would support such a cause. Don't get me wrong -- I know it would be naive of me to assume that my letter alone could change the well established attitudes of someone like Mr. Teillon. But if this letter makes Mr. Teillon (or anyone else, for that matter) think about their beliefs for just a minute, I suppose that I will have accomplished something. BLAIR DAVIS-DOERRE College '90