COLUMN: The Substance of Love

From Shawn Klein's "Cunning Linguistics," Fall '94 From Shawn Klein's "Cunning Linguistics," Fall '94What's Love? Not even a second hand emotion.From Shawn Klein's "Cunning Linguistics," Fall '94What's Love? Not even a second hand emotion.Aaaahhhhhh. Destiny. Sigh. Everyone has that special someone fated for them since the day they were born. We wade through our often heart-rending and trying lives, feeling a little empty, some piece not quite there, maybe not even sure what it is. And then, on some mystic eve (right when we least expect it!) we meet our destiny. Your eyes chance upon hers/his (circle appropriate response) across the crowded room/street and you just know that this is who you'll spend the rest of your days with. This is what was meant to be since time immemorial! And when she/he approaches you with an outstretched hand and you place it in yours, the sky lights up with magic and the heavenly symphony strikes its euphonious chords! Aaahhh! Such is life!!! Must be nice. Try to put all the romance and wonder into life that you can, but when you step back, it's square holes and round pegs. Love is hardly the ethereal magic that can break through the darkness and defeat the devil himself. It's no mystery. It would be nice (I do love a good fairy tale) but come now. So, what is Love? It strikes me as a bit of a cliche to call it a "biochemical bond", but what the hell, it is. A hopelessly male point of view? Please. When a man and woman meet, the only thing they can accomplish of any cosmic importance is to mate and have children. (Any other such meetings that fail to produce offspring are about as consequential as a pre-True Lies Tom Arnold.) If a couple has a child, it benefits all involved for the mother and the father to stick around until the child is old enough to fend for its own. On the average (clearly, that is all we can address), the child will be better off with both its parents contributing. Humans have evolved to the point where a prolonged childhood is necessary in order to learn the complex behaviors needed to thrive in our culture. Both Mom and Dad have things to teach a child. Evolution needed a mechanism to get them to stay together. How was this be accomplished? Love. Love is the cement between two potentially reproducing individuals that hopefully keeps them together to effectively raise a child. Many times, if one parent or the other leaves, the child is put at a disadvantage and will be less likely to reproduce as successfully. As a result, his or her genes will be passed to subsequent generations less frequently. This is real bad for both parents, who only seek, though unaware of it, to pass their own genes along via the child. So clearly, it is in the parents' best interest, as well as the child's, to stay together until the child is old enough to look for its own mate. This is not some overly-mechanical view of life. It is consistent with the very fundamental principles that all life is based on. Before a male and female mate, they are designed to fall in love. Love will keep them together, help them tolerate each other if need be. It helps them enjoy each other's company, but it also keeps them from separating. Try to get out of a relationship and it hurts. It has to. That means evolution has done its job. Sucks for you. Predictable evolutionary success has real conflicts with popular romanticism after the children are grown. This bull about being happily married together forever could only happen because that biochemical bond of love is so strong it does itself a disservice in the end. After viable children are out in the world, it is in an individual's best interest to go out and mate again. He/she must keep passing along their genes and variety has always been the key to the successful proliferation of life. Having kids with someone else might be a good idea, particularly for the men who will be capable long after their wives. In the end, Love makes sense. It serves a crucial purpose. But just because we feel it strictly for reasons of perpetuation, does not diminish the fact that we do feel it. We're supposed to feel love. It's supposed to feel good. And it does. Simply because we are self-aware enough to understand why, does not diminish its impact. It still feels wonderful, as it has to, to keep the generations coming. So enjoy the hell out of it, but remember, you romantics (particularly, you women-folk) why it's here. And maybe evolution did not do its perfect job on me. Perhaps I'll be in love with my wife forever. Must be nice. Shawn Klein is a senior Biological Basis of Behavior major from Livingston, New Jersey. Cunning Linguistics will appear alternate Fridays.