"If you have somebody in your dorm who's a blowhard-and this is off-the-wall-carry one of those army-recruitment posters and tell them: 'Sign up-you can even use my pen.'"

Unlike most Penn students, Wharton seniors Jason Toff and Kelly Schaefer spent their summer nights chatting online with Indian programmers.

On Wednesday, July 11, 2007, thousands across the United Kingdom celebrated a very special occasion in a rather unconventional way. They dozed off at work for 20 minutes right underneath their bosses' scrutinizing eyes. Yes, it was National Siesta Day. Talk about getting creative with holidays in Europe.

For Penn Dining, the opportunity to link with professional services giant Aramark six years ago was supposed to bring much-needed improvements to the University's dining services.

It was all over. Harvard players rejoiced, as they had grown accustomed to doing, on the field and along the sidelines. Penn players lay spent, left to ponder what might have been - a feeling that they knew all too well. This 1982 Penn football team had gone the way of the 22 others before it: out of the money, without ring, cup, or banner.

A new apartment building opening means new retail options for Penn students and the community. Domus, which is opening its doors at 34th and Chestnut streets to residents this fall, has confirmed four of the five retailers that will occupy its ground floor.

The Barnes Foundation's world-renowned art collection is slated for a move that will bring the works closer to other prominent cultural institutions - and nearer to Penn students as well. Last week, the Barnes acquired a site on Benjamin Franklin Parkway near the Philadelphia Museum of Art and the Rodin Museum.

If you've never heard of Ben Kweller, you're not alone. Only five out of 62 Penn students surveyed by The Daily Pennsylvanian said they were familiar with this year's pick for the Social Planning and Events Committee's fall concert. Set to perform on Oct.

Last week, both houses of Congress passed a comprehensive student-aid bill that considerably raises the maximum Pell grant and halves the interest rate students pay on federal loans.

The management of El Azteca was fed up with the vomit, the dining and dashing and the missing sombreros - all symptoms of having a drunken, college-age clientele. So the famous -or perhaps notorious - margarita-making restaurant at 7th and Chestnut streets took action last December.

Last year could have been a coronation for Brown. The Bears returned their All-Ivy quarterback, Joe DiGiacomo, and chunks of the previous year's Ivy Championship defense, including future NFL talent Zak DeOssie. It was nothing short of a disaster. A 2-2 start to the Ivy campaign was inauspicious at best, but it only got worse from there.

Columbia coach Norries Wilson rarely hides his feelings. His Lions were shut out by Penn last year, prompting him to rail on the media, the Penn administration, the officials, the other Ivy League schools and even his own employer for six surreal minutes afterward.

What if you woke up one day with your OPIM professor's face staring down at you? If you decide that non-linear optimization problems are just too much in the morning, the offending academic could be exorcised from your dorm room by a simple touch on the wall.

Has anyone been paying attention to the women's soccer team lately? It's not like it's been hard - they've played each of their first four games in the friendly confines of Rhodes Field. And if you have managed to make the trek down to the home of Penn's soccer teams, chances are you witnessed some fireworks.

Penn goalkeeper Alanna Butera was flat on her back, the ball bouncing a few yards away from her, and the net was wide open. For the first time this season, it didn't matter. The whistle after the loose ball signalled that possession was going the other way, and with little time left on the clock, the Quakers coasted to a 1-0 win over Lafayette last night at Franklin Field, their first of the year.

Someone has to finish last in the league. This year, Dartmouth is bringing up the rear of the preseason Ivy football poll. But head coach Buddy Teevens isn't miffed by the lack of confidence in his squad. "The poll has never been accurate," he told reporters.

Joanne Tong is a Wharton senior from Manila, Philippines. Her e-mail address is tong@dailypennsylvanian.com