It's very lonely at the top. A sophomore leading a board of.... other sophomores, rubbing elbows with plebes by day and controlling the media by night. But after putting out your paper of record everyday, I return home to my room in the Quad, my pockets stuffed with beer bottles.

I wish Johnnie Cochran wasn't dead. "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit," he'd say. Then he'd accuse police of racism. Very nice. And I'd be free, Flinging it up with y'all this weekend. But instead, I'm sitting in jail drinking vodka and craving borscht.

The Daily Pennsylvanian's annual gag issue has a long history, of which another chapter has been written today. Every year at about this time, tradition dictates that DP editors turn their usually proper paper into a playful parody. Although the DP used to publish a gag issue on or about April Fool's Day, the issue was moved to Washington's birthday in 1962.

University officials announced yesterday that Donald Trump, 1964 Wharton alumnus, donated $100 million for a new building that will be erected over the existing Steinberg-Dietrich Hall. The complex will be renamed Steinberg-Trump-Dietrich Hall. "This donation will help us make STD the campus's first skyscraper," said University spokeswoman Lori Doyle.

Sod is not the only green substance growing on King's Court English College House's recently-installed green roof. A King's Court resident was arrested yesterday after maintenance staff discovered he was growing marijuana on the college house's roof, which was completed this January.

Some lessons just can't be learned without failing - twice. At least 75 percent of Wharton freshmen are currently under investigation for cheating on their Operations and Information Management 101 group projects, according to the University's Office of Student Conduct.

Craig Robinson has a lot of work to do to turn around an Oregon State basketball program that went 0-18 in the Pac-10 this year. But Robinson will get to help run another - slightly less-boring - team this year. With Robinson's brother-in-law Barack Obama still needing to answer questions about whether he's "black enough," he selected Robinson to be his 2008 running mate.

The University announced yesterday that DuBois College House will not be renovated. The University will no longer even considering pursuing the dorm's much-needed renovations. In fact, the building will never be renovated, Facilities spokesman Tony Sorrentino said.

Stop the madness To the Editor: As managing editor of 123rd Editorial Board of The Daily Pennsylvanian, I tried to make the paper the best it could be. I put my heart, my soul, and all of my math major skillz into the design and content of one of the best college papers in the US.

Jonathan Katzenbach is the most recent of seven senior admissions officials to have left Penn in the last week. The officers are all reported to have left their jobs with no notice or explanation, said a University official who asked to remain anonymous. The University confirmed the departures yesterday but did not elaborate further.

This was where David Whitehurst was meant to be. The former Penn basketball player, who has not played in two years due to academic ineligibility, was a starter on an NCAA Tournament team, scored 15 points on national television against Duke in 2005 and was the Quakers' best athlete.

Unattended Theft March 28 - A Division of Public Safety official reported that an unattended Unattended Theft poster was taken from an unsecured room within the Divison of Public Safety, located at 4040 Chestnut St., at approximately 5 p.m. March 28 - An unattended complainant reported that an unattended item was removed from an unattended bag in an unsecured location somewhere between the hours of 12 a.

Over 20 years ago, a doctor convinced his friends and family to sponsor him while he ran around a track to raise money for cancer research. From that day was born Relay For Life, whose tradition was carried on this weekend by 1,800 participants at Penn's fifth annual Relay, held at the Palestra due to poor weather conditions.

A pair of awards given by the Army Research Laboratory and the Office of Naval Research will give the Engineering School nearly $30 million in grant money over the next 10 years for robotics research, officials at the school said. The grants, which total $22 million and $7.

On the sideline at practice, men's lacrosse co-captain Max Mauro seems pretty relaxed. But bring up Princeton and his demeanor changes completely. His eyes focus as his voice steadies, half-confident, half-desperate and all intensity. "Nobody on this team has beaten Princeton," Mauro said.

There's regulation, and then there's over-regulation. Unfortunately, the Nominations and Elections Committee seems to have drifted toward the latter over the past few years. When it comes to student government elections, there are certainly legitimate rules - like spending limits - which help level the playing field and ensure all students can participate.

First came a theme (Fling: Ask us why), then came questions . and now we've got some answers. Why do we care? From T-shirts to guest passes, daytime to Carnival, we've been planning Fling since it ended last year. Now in its 35th year, Fling is something that even your parents might remember.