Being selected as the designated drunk columnist for Wing Bowl 21 brought with it a set of guidelines and restrictions. I had to get as hammered at possible, in the wee hours of the morning, without appearing too intoxicated to do my job.

In a country where Janet Jackson’s boob was the No. 1 topic for an entire year and led to widespread TV censorship measures, it was nice to see for once that the U.S. is, in fact, all about sex.

Twenty thousand Philadelphians enjoyed strippers and wings at 6 a.m. Friday morning at the sold out Wells Fargo Center for the City of Brotherly Love’s annual answer to the Eagles never being in the Super Bowl.

A wide-open Ancient Eight stands ripe for the taking, and nearly any team stands a chance to claim it. It just won’t be Penn.

Cornell held on for a 71-69 victory over Penn Saturday on the strength of 20 points and perfect 8-for-8 shooting from senior forward Errick Peck.

From the moment that junior guard Miles Cartwright got the ball in his hands Friday night, the game was clearly on. He had that fire in his eyes that fans saw in Zack Rosen last year and others who have donned the Red and Blue in years past.

In Friday’s Ivy home-opener at the Palestra, Penn (4-15, 1-1 Ivy) was able to clinch the win, 62-58, over Columbia after a struggle to maintain the close lead to the final buzzer.

I am writing you this letter to thank you for all you have done for my teammates and me over the years. In light of John Phillips’s DP article, I thought it was an appropriate time to recognize you and your colleagues in the Athletic Department who put so many thankless hours into making the student athletes at Penn better students, athletes and people.

I think it’s really sad that of all the articles Mr. Phillips could have written about this team, full of interesting, talented, intelligent and unique women, he instead chose to focus on two of the small minority that have chosen to give up and walk away from this fantastic group.

If you read our paper yesterday, you might have seen a young President Gutmann gracing our front page and a letter by her on our opinion page, responding to a critique from Tuesday’s paper. Enough readers have expressed their suspicions about our paper’s objectivity that we want to clarify our position.

Although the article claims that we have lost 11 “rowers with pedigree” in the past two years, we have actually lost eight and only three of those were in one of the three boats eligible for NCAA championships.

First, there was no mention of the loss of revenue averaging over $100 million a year in exchange for a one-time cash windfall, the size of which pro-privatization interests have every reason in inflate.

If the Supreme Court upholds the Appellate Court’s ruling, it will restrict executive power and create a legal mess at the NLRB and most likely at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, whose director, Richard Corday, was also appointed during a pro forma session. The Supreme Court should, however, uphold the lower court’s decision.

Even in the midst of all the demand for compromise in recent years, rarely do we hear a call for voters to compromise their own political beliefs and expectations of the political system and politicians.

All 116 sworn Penn Police officers must go through a rigorous, 520-hour training process that trains them how to make split-second decisions on the job.

State Sen. Daylin Leach has proposed legislation to legalize recreational use of marijuana in Pennsylvania.

Both Penn Democrats and College Republicans are hoping to use the off year to improve the relationship between the organizations by hosting cooperative events.