Robb. Ward. McIntosh. The terrific trio - one part accused murder, one part child pornographer and one part sexual offender - is coming back to campus to teach Penn students, O.J. Simpson-style. The Criminology department has sponsored a symposium, to be held next Thursday, that will feature the three embattled professors' thoughts on the art of not getting caught.

This may be more than just a drive-thru experience for actor Kal Penn. Penn, already slated to teach two undergraduate courses in the University's Asian American Studies Program for the spring 2008 semester, will now replace Fred Scatena as the Department Chair of Earth and Environmental Science.

Forget about the "Screwdriver man." Last night, a female College sophomore was held up on the 4200 block of Spruce Street at point-of-crayon, Division of Public Safety officials said. The student was walking home at around 9 p.m. when she was confronted by a short child holding a crayon.

Stephen Robert Morse is a hothead - dare we say hottie - from Long Island.

The Penn women's lacrosse team has swept its longest road trip of the year. And if its form in these games is any measure, the winning could continue for a while. In the last leg of the four-game swing on Saturday, the No. 11 Quakers (10-1, 3-0 Ivy) continued to dominate the Ivy League, pounding Harvard, 15-3.

Senior pitcher Erin Boyle must have ice water running through her veins. Boyle came in to "stop the bleeding," as she put it, after a rough first inning in the second game of Penn's doubleheader against Brown, when the Quakers opened the game by allowing five runs to score.

Yale provided a cold, cruel wakeup call to the women's tennis team on Friday, but the Quakers woke up just as quickly. Heavily-favored Penn beat Yale 5-2 and Brown 7-0, but not before the team was dealt a scare. The Quakers (13-4, 3-0 Ivy) lost 2-1 in doubles against the Bulldogs (7-8, 2-1), putting them behind early on.

Matteo Fontana, a U.S. Education Department senior official, was suspended Friday for holding more than $100,000 worth of stock in a student loan company while he monitored the loan industry. The Education Department discovered Thursday that Fontana, a general manager in the Office of Federal Student Aid, held shares in 2003 in the parent company of Student Loan XPress.

When it comes to expanding the study of warfare, professors may be fighting an uphill battle. Arthur Waldron, who currently teaches "Strategy Policy and War," is looking to develop additional simulations in which students would employ strategic decision-making skills in military scenarios.

If Penn is forced to share the Ivy League men's tennis crown again this season, it won't be with Brown. The Quakers swept their New England road trip this weekend, getting by Yale with a 4-3 victory on Friday before upsetting fellow defending co-champion Brown 5-2 the following afternoon.

It must have taken snow to finally make Tim Kaijala feel at home. The junior middle-distance runner charged ahead of the pack to easily win the men's 800-meter race on Saturday with a NCAA Regional, qualifying time of 1:50.

For Engineering junior Warren Jackson, a good idea has finally translated into $5,000 in cash.

Despite good intentions, Penn shouldn't have risked losing its students' trust.

Daniel Schwartz is a College freshman from Decatur, Ga. He can be reached at schwarm@sas.upenn.edu.

Campus minority groups are beginning to take sides on the two-week old controversy surrounding the alleged racial profiling of a black male College student.

In a spectacular and emotional comeback, Penn managed to overcome a 7-3 deficit with five unanswered fourth-quarter goals, upending the Big Green 8-7.

A new Web site could make the dream of going to college a little bit clearer for low-income high-school students. Last week, the Free Application for Federal Student Aid Government Initiative launched a new service called the FAFSA4caster; the online tool will allows students in their junior year of high school to get an early estimate of the government aid they are eligible to receive.