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(This article appeared in the 3/31/03 joke issue)

New pizza retail venues will open next fall in Houston Market and Hill Dining Hall, in response to student demand.

A recent survey conducted by Penn's Dining Services showed that students want more "Italian" food, most notably "pizza," available with their meal plans.

Houston Market and Hill Dining Hall will undergo renovations during the summer, and pizza provider Powelton Pizza -- which currently sets up shop at 3651 Lancaster Avenue -- will be up and running in the two locations by the first week of classes in the fall.

These new survey results -- reporting that a whopping 88 percent of Penn's student body likes "pizza" -- fly in the face of past dining studies, which claimed that students expressed a greater interest in "chicken."

Moreover, the previous findings falsely determined that "Asian" food, rather than "Italian," was students' favorite ethnic cuisine.

"All this time, we were concentrating on 'chicken' when we should have been shifting our focus toward 'pizza,'" Aramark Resident District Manager Michael Cenicola said.

Cenicola noted that Aramark will work closely with Powelton to provide students with the toppings they desire -- according to the survey, 40 percent of Penn students like "plain/cheese," 20 percent like "pepperoni," 15 percent like "veggies," 15 percent like "just mushrooms" and the remaining 10 percent like "other."

"Virtually no one prefers anchovies," Cenicola said. "Or Hawaiian pizza."

Students are mixed on the new findings.

"I like pizza," College junior Marisa Perez said.

However, College junior Benjamin Lane disagreed.

"I don't like pizza," Lane said.

But for those who do, in fact, "like pizza," Houston Market and Hill Dining Hall will feature pizza touch screens to ensure that students can order toppings to their liking.

And because students use up their PennCash and Dining Dollars on other foods, Aramark is creating PizzaFund -- yet another PennCard billing system.

"Please, please put money into the PizzaFund," Cenicola said.

But some are skeptical about whether the venture will be successful -- former Daily Pennsylvanian Pizza Editor Jonathan Margulies, who worked closely with Powelton in 2001, said the pizza provider is "mediocre at best."

Margulies was recently cleared of all charges of allegedly pouring motor oil on a Princeton debate team member.

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