COLUMN: Penn's Quaker needs updating

Josh Callahan, Commentary The fans are excited, the cheerleaders are doing back flips, and the Quaker? well, unfortunately more times than not he's still sitting on his hands. It is undoubtedly difficult to stir excitement in the Palestra while dressed as a Quaker. A Quaker doesn't growl, jump or roar. It is neither fierce nor cute. And it is not supposed to fight. Nevertheless, the current incarnation of Penn's mascot leaves a lot to be desired. The issue is not as simple as changing the person inside the costume. It is time to change the costume itself. The current outfit makes the Quaker's job very difficult. It is not visible to fans from far away and it offers few amenities which are conducive to enlivening the crowd. The frilly shirt, straight out of Seinfeld's "Puffy shirt" episode,combined with the football pants creates a haphazard definition of what the Quaker is supposed to symbolize. New pants, some funky shoes and a colonial styled hat might make him look more Ben Franklin like, which seems to be what the Quaker has come to represent, are needed. What the new Quaker really needs to become exciting, though, is a BIG, FUZZY head. A simple algebraic formula clearly proves that a person will feel liberated to go crazy if there is a zero percent chance that anyone will recognize him or her in class the next day. Penn doesn't need to find a new Philly Phanatic, but it does need an improvement. It doesn't need a consulting firm to fix this problem, all it has to do is look in the stands. No one's Palestra experience is currently enhanced by the Quaker. Whoever has creative control over the Quaker should start experimenting until something that gets fans out of their seats is found. The Ben Franklin-like character that currently graces all of Penn's recreation department isn't a bad place to start. Those who aren't sure if a change is needed only need to look at this year's Quaker to realize that being Penn's mascot is a tough gig. While the current Quaker is probably trying his best, he has had little luck energizing himself or the crowd. He seems disinterested and oftentimes unsure of what he should be doing during a timeout. He ends up standing around or sitting on the bench behind the cheerleaders more often than he is out and about the court. His personality does not seem suited to running around like a madman for two straight hours. There is nothing wrong with being a decent, down to earth person. It just means that maybe he isn't the best choice to fill the role of mascot. It is especially unfortunate considering that the rest of the cheerleading squad has had so much success getting fans' attention this season by, among other things, throwing T-shirts to the Quakers faithful. The current Quaker can't be expected to do back handsprings, but he a new costume might help him do something. As is stands now, he is simply another male cheerleader, just dressed in different. Plus, the other male cheerleaders yell louder and they can do more laps with the enormous, and poorly constructed, Penn flag. The flag should be taken off of the unwieldy PVC -- tinker toy like -- plastic piping and attached to something more manageable, thus giving the Quaker some hope of keeping it up in the air for an extended period of time. Against La Salle Tuesday, the waving of the flag and the running around made the kid fall flat on his ass. The current Quaker was given a tough job, but he hasn't done enough to improve his situation. Hopefully this weekend his enthusiasm will more closely match that of everyone else on the court. We have a basketball team and cheerleaders to be proud of. Next time the Quaker lands on national tv (read: NCAA tourney) -- which may be sooner rather than later -- hopefully it will have a new look to give Penn fans the chance to rally around another school symbol.