Ivy Roundup: We Hate You Edition

We here at Ivy Roundup are more pissed off than a race-horse with some Midol. We hate getting shot. We hate Eric Wong. We hate UTV. We'd love to hate Lafayette, but they beat Cornell. And then we got this little book in our mailbox called I Hate Penn -- 303 Reasons Why You Should, Too. The author of this fine piece of wasted tree? Paul Finebaum. We here at Roundup have officially decided to hate him too. We hate him so much, we've named him? Plain Old Loser of the Week Normally, we at Roundup award this to one of the many pathetic people at Princeton. This week, however, things are a little different. We always hate those Princeton losers, so that's nothing new. In fact, it seems that Mr. Finebaum hates the Tigers, too. And Yale and Harvard? and 80 other schools with their very own I Hate? book. So who is hated more, Penn or Princeton? Well, obviously Finebaum is an expert, so we asked him. "That's a hard question," Finebaum said. "I'd have to say Penn." Hmm. Can we say rejection letter? In fact, our dear Mr. Finebaum never even applied to Penn. "That's too good a school for me," Finebaum said. So we guess it's finally happened. Princeton has lost the well-deserved title of "Loser of the Week." We have a new winner. Paul Finebaum. Plain Old Loser and Dumbass of the Week We decided to test Mr. "I Hate Penn" on his U of P knowledge, to see if he actually came to campus to research his masterpiece. Roundup: How many campuses does Penn have? Dumbass: "I don't know." Try one, buddy. Roundup: Scott Graham -- fat or skinny? Dumbass: "Hold on a second. This sounds like some typical college reporter trying to trick some old geezer like me." Who, us? Trick some old geezer dumbass? Okay. You're right. But you named Scott Graham as a reason to hate Penn, more than once. "He's fat then." Wrong. Roundup: What's the name of the complex that houses Penn's indoor track? Dumbass: "Franklin Field." Hello -- that's outdoors. (We don't have an indoor track. Actually, that's one damn good reason to hate this place -- and he missed it.) Roundup: How do you think Penn's ice hockey team will do this year? Dumbass: "You probably don't have one. I'm on to this game now." Score: 25%. That's what we thought. Needs an Enema of the Week Finebaum has insulted all the Ivy schools this year. And not all of them took to his book as lightly as we did. "I did the I Hate Yale book and got some pretty nasty notes," Finebaum said. "There was an article in the Yale paper about it, and the president of Yale was not terribly kind." We here at Roundup got our hands on that particular article. Elias Levenson, Yale Daily News sports editor weenie, wrote "?Finebaum hasn't won too many laughs with the Yale community." Loosen up, will you? "There was some discontent about the book because it attacked certain administrators and athletes individually," Troy Flint, another Yale Daily News sports editor weenie, said. Hey, at least we can take a joke. Pull the plug, Yale.