Johnson in hot water after over-chlorinating Sheerr

Another scandal has rocked the Penn swimming program. For the third time in as many years, members of the men's team have petitioned the athletic department to fire long-time Sheerr Pool maintenance worker Freddy "Tubbs" Johnson. According to senior captain Jim McGinnis, who authored the petition, "Tubbs was putting way too much chlorine in the pool. It was really bothering my eyes." The petition called Johnson's cleaning methods "primitive in theory." Johnson has been cleaning Sheerr Pool for the past 23 years. But his tenure has been filled with controversy. "Two years ago, I caught Tubbs taking a whiz in the pool!" senior Bryan Thornton said. "Luckily, all of that extra chlorine killed the bacteria and stuff." The athletic department hopes to come to a decision that will satisfy both sides. "I'm going to talk to the swimmers and to Tubbs, and hopefully we can work this whole pissing-in-the-pool situation out," athletic director Steve Bilsky said. Tubbs, hospitalized with a urinary tract infection, was unavailable for comment yesterday. Some members of the team have said they will quit if Tubbs is not fired immediately. "Tubbs has to be the worst pool man in the Ivy League, if not the nation," sophomore Ken Fletcher. "I am embarrassed to be a part of a program which supports such high levels of chlorine. Either Tubbs goes, or I go." So will Johnson be cleaning pools at Penn next year? "If they went by his record and his ability as a pool man, I'd say no," said one swimmer, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "But if they couldn't get him out last year, I don't think they'll ever get him out. I think he'll be here until I graduate."