COLUMN: Coming To Terms

From Jamil Smith's "Invisible Man," Fall '95 From Jamil Smith's "Invisible Man," Fall '95If someone called me a homophobe two years ago, I would have, like many, vehemently denied that allegation. I probably would have given the argument that every homosexual deserves to be treated like a human being and that people should stop treating them as if they are "deviant misfits." I would recall incidents of when I called others homophobic and asked them to refrain from using slurs like "faggot" and "homo." I would say that I had been brought up in an environment in which I was taught to accept everyone as equal because I, as a black person, had to fight to gain that acceptance myself. I used to think I was so tolerant. It seemed like every time I came home over break last year, I found out another person had "come out." Then, all of my rhetoric about acceptance and human rights would be forgotten and I would let out a bewildered cry: "[The person] is WHAT?" People who were friends of mine were homosexual! Oh no! It would seem to anyone else that I had just heard that they had died. And according to my thinking at the time, they had. It wasn't even then that I would realize how homophobic I truly was. That revelation came here at beloved University of Pennsylvania. Back in my home of Shaker Heights, Ohio, the very idea of a Black Student League, an ACELA, or a Chinese Students Association would have caught people off guard and would have resulted in protest. So, it is not difficult to imagine the reaction to a Lesbian Gay Bisexual Alliance in my hometown. When I came here and saw columns by people like Jodi Bromberg and realized that there was a real homosexual presence, I reacted much like those who look with disgust upon my columns and the black presence here. I told myself, "Why would someone choose to do that -- to engage in such disgusting behavior?" I understood homosexuals' demands for equal treatment in society, but I still could not come to terms with my homophobia. I didn't think I was the one with the problem. Two things have made me want to exorcise my newfound prejudice. Initially, it was being a fellow columnist of Stephen Houghton in the spring of last year. Meeting Stephen for the first time is a unique experience for most people. By the time I had gotten to meet him, I had already read some of his columns and was familiar with his political stance. I expected to meet someone that would, as many homophobes would have us believe, throw his politics -- and his sexuality -- in my face and that would be all that we would talk about. However, to this day, Stephen and I have never talked about his being "queer," as he would put it. He, as well as the few other homosexuals that I have met thus far has turned many of my previous misconceptions about homosexuals. The second thing that made me want to be more tolerant was related to home, however. When my initial shock wore off after I heard about friends being gay or lesbian, I asked myself if I was going to destroy what were good friendships because I wasn't mature or emotionally stable enough to handle the truth about them. Was I going to ignore or hate them because of what they were or what they do? I believe the answer to this should be obvious to anyone. Now, simply because I have come to terms with my homophobia does not mean that I am completely over it. The path to acceptance from ignorance is a long, winding and rough one for anyone. I sometimes slip and lapse into my formally typical reaction when I hear about people coming out. I still might do a double-take when I see two men or women holding hands or kissing. However, I then think what it must be like for them to have heterosexuality thrust in their faces every day of their lives -- in media, entertainment, Locust Walk, College Green, Street Society and the like. Something that has helped me over the past year is realizing that homosexuality is not a choice, just like heterosexuality is not a choice. People are attracted to the opposite sex and/or to the same one. We may wonder why, but the fact is that is the way it is, whether we like it or not. What everyone needs to do is open their mind and realize that homosexuals are not seeking to convert people to homosexuality. That is impossible. They are not using the Bisexual Gay Lesbian Awareness Days as a method to "legitimize their bedroom behavior." That is unnecessary. Contrary to popular belief, the "cultural norms" that "gauge acceptable behavior" need to be questioned for what they are (and what their cultural origins are). This is definitely possible and very necessary. Homophobes would like to have you believe that the homosexual human rights movement is not about stopping discrimination against them and being treated like human beings, but about "includ[ing] sodomy in the behavioral norms to finally legitimize their bizarre fetishes." If this was true, then evidently they haven't heard of Madonna yet. It is certainly wishful thinking to believe that everyone will eventually get on this long, winding and rough path to acceptance of everyone, regardless of any type of difference. But, I certainly hope that people can come to the same realization that I did regarding homosexuality -- that prejudice does nothing but burn slowly within us and that if one is to extinguish the flame, the water must come from within.