COLUMN: Thoughts On the Passing Scene

From Marc Teillon's "The Public Pillory," Fall '95 From Marc Teillon's "The Public Pillory," Fall '95If a female's leather backpack is so little she has to carry her books in her arms, doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of having a bag in the first place? Does the Undergraduate Assembly actually believe they represent the students on this campus? If my memory serves me correctly, isn't the UA lucky if 20 percent of the undergraduate population casts a vote in the annual election? That means 80 percent of the students don't exercise their franchise and consequently don't care. Maybe the UA should worry less about ways to shake the students from their apathy and start contemplating the necessity of its existence. The BYOB policy is like a new tax law -- more technicalities and more loopholes. Whether the administration likes it or not, students are going to have a good time on the weekend. Living-learning programs, ice-cream socials and movie nights just don't cut it. And what's worse -- drunk kids on Locust Walk or inebriated freshmen wandering aimlessly through the streets of West Philadelphia? My parents pay $26,000 a year to send me to this University. Yet, I have to pay seven bucks for an official transcript. Is painting one's face red and blue and going shirtless at the Penn-Princeton hoops game school spirit? Or simply bizarre? What is the purpose of wearing a baseball hat so far down you have to tilt your head back just to see where you are walking? Thursday 5 p.m. at CPPS is humorous. While everyone crowds around the new postings of the closed lists for jobs, there are always two or three people who express shock at getting an interview. They yell out so the whole mob of students can hear them, "Can you believe I got an interview at DLJ L.A.?" Your friend is right next to you. There is no reason to shout and point out your name. If you are on your way to "big-swinging dickdom," Whartonites will find out who you are whether you like it or not. Has there ever been a DP Swami who played an organized sport? Allen Ginsberg reads poetry to the Philomathean Society every other week. Gloria Steinem and Stokey Carmichael graced the cover of the DP on the same day. Woodstock '94. Women in bell bottoms and platform shoes. "I Will Survive" at frat parties. Is this the 1990s or a corporate merger of the two most overrated decades in the history of Western civilization? I hear Jimi Hendrix and the Bee Gees are playing at Fling. I forgot, they died a long time ago. I saw Gons Nochman, Penn's own naked guy and Founder of the Penn Naturalist Society, with a sweater, jacket and pants last Saturday. What happened to the Locust Walk jogging outfit that looks like tighty-whities with the crotch cut out? I guess its only fun to be an activist in the spring and summer. I wonder what he wears when interviewing at a law firm. Due to my keen ability to trivialize explosive issues like abortion, affirmative action and virtual reality, I thought I might try my hand in trivializing everyday topics as well. If this contribution to The Public Pillory has been a futile attempt at humor, I apologize. You see, its kind of hard to develop a comedic wit in Wharton. Accounting professors and financial statements just aren't that funny. There was a debate on this page a few weeks ago about whether or not the students should stand up at the Palestra during basketball games. With all the important issues the DP seems to be tackling -- poetry-graffiti in High Rise South, Stephen Houghton protesting the oppression of sodomy on St. Valentine's Day by spray-painting "Fag Love" on the snow, whether or not Sundeep Goel was sick or conspired with his "roommate and DP columnist Mike Nadel" to stop the UA from getting quorum -- you would think the students would have something better to talk about. Greek Alumni Council Chairperson Andrea Dobin says, "If the University can now create its own social life on campus, it will just mean the Greek system will have to provide as good or better social life." How will the fraternities ever be able to compete with CHATS? The Bike Ban is strictly enforced. Two students have been hit by cars while riding their bikes off Locust Walk. Any connection here? But there is one question that will perplex Penn's scientists and poets for years to come -- what was Jerome Allen doing at an AEPi Pledge Party?