DP SWAMIS-The 42-year tradition of pigskin prognostication.

Ahh, Parents' Weekend. Time for the parents of the pigskin prognosticators to head to campus for a visit with the tykes. Being slaves to tradition, we Swamis like to take the time each year to visit with those who begot the Swamis we so love today. So, without further ado, we bring you the Parents' Weekend edition of the Ancient Eight's foremost forecasters. Swamis, that is. Mommy Pump Me Up: Initially, the mother of our most rabid Clark Kellogg fan had some problems with our quest. "My mind is blank," she said. "I have no clue." Like mother, like son. She did tell us about the time Pump Me Up was really little and he bought an ice cream bar at elementary school. Being efficient, he decided to save the lunchtime treat for later. Needless to say, he had a little mess to clean up in his backpack. Some things never change -- things keep going soft on the boy even today. Papa Glove: Like Mommy Pump Me Up, Papa Glove drew a complete blank. I guess the blank expression so often seen on Swami Glove's face is hereditary, after all. We always thought it was the medication. At any rate, Glove had some trouble in his ninth-grade pottery class. He never actually made anything, not even a lousy ashtray. According to Papa Glove: "Everything collapsed." Hmm?more problems with things collapsing?do we detect a trend? And whatever happened to the other glove anyway? Mommy 1940: Mommy 1940 regaled us with tales of Swami 1940's sporting prowess. It seems that perhaps Swami 1940 became a Swami because he just did not have what it took to play Little League. Both 1940 and his younger brother played Little League together, and at the all-star game, the fans wanted to form an all-brother battery. The younger was selected to pitch, and 1940 was sent behind the plate to take up the tools of ignorance. They should have called them the tools of cowardice, because 1940 took up residence a good 10 feet behind the plate and off to the side, practically in the dugout. His brother was left without a target and began throwing wildly. He has shown about as much courage in picking Ivy games, as evidenced by his residence at the bottom of the Swami standings. Mommy Tolerance: Unlike the previous Swami parents, Mommy Tolerance had little difficulty embarrassing her son. Even though he now may be challenging for the top of the Swami ladder, Tolerance did not always have that much up top. Or maybe, Fluffy had a little too much hair when he was younger. According to Mommy Tolerance: "If you think his hair's bad now, you should have seen it when he was two." Maybe it was this hair that attracted all those girls. But then again, Tolerance now knows that's not always that good. In fact, one girl took such a liking to Tolerance that in a Little League game, she pitched the ball right into his eye. Watch out for those women Tolerance, they're nothing but trouble!