COLUMN: The Buck Stops at Princeton

From Arne Thommessen's "Hear Me Now, Believe Me Later," Fall '93 From Arne Thommessen's "Hear Me Now, Believe Me Later," Fall '93Janet Reno is the only member of the Clinton Administration with any balls. She head-butted the buck from the Waco blood bath and stopped it cold. Simply by assuming responsibility she won the admiration of a politician-loathing population. In comparison, certain self-important members of Penn's administrative community are a sorry bunch of eunuchs. Either due to some genetic dysfunction or traumatic childhood experiences, they seem utterly incapable of admitting or adjusting to even the most obvious mistakes. On the other hand, they might just be men and women of exceptional foresight who can rise above the petty concerns of ordinary people and do what is best for their subjects. It is odd, though, that Penn of all places has been blessed with such a large contingent of infallibles. However, to my knowledge even the Holy Pope makes mistakes. Hey, even I was wrong once, I think. Penn is fortunate to have a Police Commissioner who, according to the head of the University's chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police Bill Kane, has got the credibility of a "car salesman" within his department. With his policy of permanently bored officers stationed on Locust Walk he is at odds with the students he is paid to protect and his disillusioned officers. This man, John Kuprevich, seems to be the only remaining person who does not understand that a scarecrow in police uniform would be just as effective as the crossword puzzle-solving officer in the middle of campus? Where he stands, the officer is within a sloppy Princeton punt distance from three blue light emergency phones. Listen to some well-intended advice, Kuprevich! Admit your mistake and change your resource-wasting policy, or find another job where your mistakes will be appreciated. I suggest you enroll in five finance classes which grade on a curve. The only consolation for Kuprevich is that he is not alone in failing to critically evaluate his own performance. After the "Midnight Madness" mayhem in the Palestra ticket line, the prevalent opinion among administrators was that nobody could have foreseen the breakdown of order. In that case, there must be a lot of nobodies at Penn. It does not take a stellar social psychologist to figure out that Friday night is a good time for less than considerate students to take time off to drink away their pent up frustrations. Mix these losers with a combination of undermanned ticket booths and an unstructured line system, and you have a recipe for disaster. Ticket Manager Peggy Kowalski told the Daily Pennsylvanian that she "never dreamed they would have problems." I called her in order to confirm my suspicions that the Ticket Office was unwilling to share responsibility for what happened at the Palestra. Unfortunately for the validity of my thesis, she was truly sorry for what happened and admitted that things should have been handled differently. Sources like Kowalski are every satirical columnist's nightmare. After carefully having created an image of a person who is out of touch with reality, you confront the object of ridicule and realize she is not half as incompetent as you hoped. Anyway, did the Ticket Office learn anything from the scandal they helped create through their own thorough negligence? If they did, they did a good job concealing their steep learning curve during the Quakers' crushing victory over the truly sucking Princeton snobs (By the way, if you think their football team stinks, wait until you see their decaying basketball program). The hopelessly outnumbered ticket booths were unable to cope with demand, as ticketless students and alumni mobbed the ticket counters. The score must have been 14 to 0 before the lines finally subsided. To University officials' credit, they have finally managed to gain student acceptance for the "Bring Your Own Beer" policy. In fact, students brought more than beer through the gates of Franklin Field. The dysfunctional self-evaluation process of the Ticket Office pales in comparison to the headstrong inquisitors in the Judicial Inquisition Office. The past performances of the JIO make Franz Kafka's Process seem like an exemplary trial. The national media had good reasons for describing Penn's judicial system as a farce. Unsurprisingly, Assistant JIO Robin Read denies the charges. In the recent DP series of the JIO, she claims that she "always at the beginning, makes an attempt to be objective." Maybe she tells the truth. She certainly gives herself every imaginable benefit of doubt. I suspect, however, that Eden "Water Buffalo" Jacobowitz's schedule would have been crammed with forced community service by now, had it not been for the public scrutiny. Not even the Penn faculty is protected against holier-than-thou administrators. School of Arts and Sciences Dean Rosemary Stevens spent one and a half years reviewing all the College departments without consulting faculty. She recklessly bulldozed her recommendations through, ignoring procedures and faculty concerns. Has she forgotten that this is a University, and not a manufacturing line for T-Fords? Is she afraid somebody might devise a better way to save money than her? Even tenured professors understand that Penn needs to cut costs. The decision to disband these departments might turn out to be correct. Any proposal being opposed by the Undergraduate Assembly must have some merit. Besides the American Civilization was disbanded a long time ago. Right or wrong, the point is that Dean Stevens completely rules out the possibility that her recommendations can be wrong. Her behavior bears more resemblance to an officer in combat, than a caretaker of intellectual capital. There is hope for the hopeless. Penn's globally renowned sensitivity and diversity seminars can transform people into new and better individuals in one day at the most. A fancy title does not mean you know it all. People are assets, not liabilities. All I am saying is give consensus a chance. Arne Thommessen is a senior Entrepreneurial Management and Finance major from Oslo, Norway. Hear Me Now, Believe Me Later appears alternate Fridays.