Students whose expensive cultural tastes are stifled by less-than-extravagant budgets are now in luck. On Sept. 25 the Philadelphia Orchestra will host a free concert to kick off its new student-membership program, eZseatU. eZseatU is a subscription to a series of Philadelphia Orchestra concerts offered exclusively to college students.

The doctor looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry," he said. No, it wasn't a bad prognosis. I wasn't about to die. The doctor was apologizing for the inadequacy of the medical system in America generally and at Penn specifically. "It's just not a good system," he added.

Two Penn students walk into a bar. The DJ says to them, "Why are you talking to that girl?" Then, bouncers come and beat the two guys until one of them loses consciousness. If this joke doesn't seem very funny to you, that's because it wasn't a joke.

Janice Dow is a College sophomore from Rowland Heights, CA. Her e-mail address is dow@dailypennsylvanian.com.

One Penn professor is in Switzerland today to test drive the largest particle accelerator ever built. Physics professor Hugh "Brig" Williams traveled across the Atlantic to fine-tune Penn's contribution to the Large Hadron Collider. The LHC is located at the European Organization for Nuclear Research laboratory near Geneva and is the world's highest-energy particle accelerator.

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Two robberies were reported near campus over the weekend. A 52-year-old woman was threatened at gunpoint on the 4000 block of Pine Street at about 12:45 p.m. on Saturday, according to Capt. Benjamin Naish of the Philadelphia police. The man approached the woman from the rear, displayed a black gun and demanded money, Naish said.

The Obama-Biden campaign opened 35 new offices in Pennsylvania yesterday, bringing the total number of offices in the state to 65, according to a campaign press release. These openings come as the campaign enters its final eight weeks. "To mark the eight-week home stretch, volunteers will register 8,888 new voters on college campuses alone this week," the press release said.

During Saturday's game with Rutgers, the Penn field hockey team had trouble winning loose-ball battles. Coach Val Cloud set out to remedy the problem in this week's practices, and the Red and Blue (1-1) will be immediately tested, as they host a speedy Saint Joseph's squad tonight at Franklin Field.

As freshman Ursula Lopez-Palm watched her rebound soar over Pittsburgh goalie Morie Kephart's head and into the back of the net, she started jumping up and down during what she called a "surreal" moment. "[My teammates] made fun of me a little for my celebration dance," Lopez-Palm admitted.

In my ninth grade sex-ed class Ms. Dorado one day tried to explain that the use of the word "gay" as a pejorative could be quite offensive. "No, no Ms. Dorado," retorted a classmate of mine. "We don't use it to offend anyone. We just use it to say that something is stupid.

The Nu chapter of the Phi Sigma Sigma sorority announced today that due to insufficient membership numbers, the group will be seeking new strategies to foster expansion this semester. According to a statement from the Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs, Phi Sigma Sigma's numbers "have not been as strong as they could be" recently, despite many years of "close sisterhood and strong programming.

With the start of every school year, students and parents are bombarded with reminders about the dangers of drinking on college campuses. Don't drink. If you're going to drink, don't drink too much. If - and when - you drink too much, something bad will happen (since that's what why you're being warned), so just don't drink.

If the Penn men's soccer team --had any doubt about who would mind the net, it need look no further than the man currently occupying the starting role. After splitting time with two other goalkeepers last season, senior Drew Healy has staked a strong claim to the starter's role, playing all of both games this weekend and letting in no goals.

An Iranian human rights scholar scheduled to teach at Penn Law as a visiting professor is reportedly being detained by the Iranian government without charges or explanation. The scholar, Medhi Zakerian, was arrested in mid-August as he waited for U.S. visa clearance, said Penn Law professor and international law expert William Burke-White.

A curfew is something that most Penn students haven't had to deal with in a long time - but for anyone still under 18, it's something to be aware of. Local businesses like Fresh Grocer and Izzy and Zoe's have recently posted signs with information about Philadelphia's curfew, prompting surprised reactions from students who didn't know the city had a curfew.

Student leaders across the University are helping Penn lead the vote. Penn Leads the Vote - a nonpartisan group that aims to increase voter participation - wants student leaders to "take on voter registration and civic engagement as their own task," PLTV President and College senior Stephanie Simon said.