AComm loses staff, office; lies still remain After two members of its staff were given pink slips, Athletic Communications is moving to the shit-spewing shack behind Warren Field. Catcher Mike Mahoney was designated for assignment by the Chicago Cubs. And golf contact Parisa Bastani was let go one day after asking the DP for golf coach Francis Vaughn's number, and two days after insisting that officemat Chas was actually Sam.

Coaches to launch new course in Fall '08 If you didn't pre-register for fall classes, don't worry: the newest course wasn't even in the system yet. Several Penn coaches will team up to teach Coachspeak, listed as English 057, in the upcoming fall semester.

NEW YORK (CITY) - When Pat Knapp left Georgetown five years ago to set up shop with the Penn women's basketball program, he gave up any shot of coaching on the floor of Madison Square Garden in the Big East Tournament. But yesterday he got a chance to return to the once-hallowed (and now desecrated) floor in a different capacity.

Steroids' hulking shadow now looms over the Ivy League. The long-awaited Bilsky Report, launched by Penn Athetic Director Steve Bilsky, was released yesterday, naming almost 50 Penn athletes with ties to performance-enhancing drugs. Notable athletes on the report were second baseman Steve Gable, whose batting average has jumped 250 points this season; women's hoops' 6-foot-2 forward Maggie Burgess, who grew eight inches in the week prior to the Quakers' season opener; and gymnast Marissa Rosen, who once beat Mark Zoller in an arm-wrestling match.

This was where David Whitehurst was meant to be. The former Penn basketball player, who has not played in two years due to academic ineligibility, was a starter on an NCAA Tournament team, scored 15 points on national television against Duke in 2005 and was the Quakers' best athlete.

Craig Robinson has a lot of work to do to turn around an Oregon State basketball program that went 0-18 in the Pac-10 this year. But Robinson will get to help run another - slightly less-boring - team this year. With Robinson's brother-in-law Barack Obama still needing to answer questions about whether he's "black enough," he selected Robinson to be his 2008 running mate.

When the Quakers emerged from the locker room last Thursday and trotted onto Franklin Field for another evening of spring football practice, they did so without their helmets and shoulder pads. The team usually dons those before it hits the turf, even in the spring.

They say that the best things in life are free. But you don't have to tell the Penn baseball team that. After sweeping Harvard yesterday in a road doubleheader that saw seven errors, three walks and three hit batsmen by the Crimson, it's a truism that the Quakers keenly appreciate.

After sweeping yesterday's doubleheader, 3-2 and 6-2, Harvard pitcher Shelly Madick gave Penn's Annie Kinsey an affectionate tap at the postgame handshake. The two California natives began playing against each other in high school, competing on both school and travel teams.

On the sideline at practice, men's lacrosse co-captain Max Mauro seems pretty relaxed. But bring up Princeton and his demeanor changes completely. His eyes focus as his voice steadies, half-confident, half-desperate and all intensity. "Nobody on this team has beaten Princeton," Mauro said.

High honor for La Salle's Hightower For the first time in four years, the Big 5 women's basketball Player of the Year does not play for Temple's Dawn Staley. This year's honor went to La Salle's Carlene Hightower, who was second in the Atlantic-10 with 17 points per game.

Brown men's basketball coach Craig Robinson is westward bound. According to The Corvallis Gazette-Times, Robinson has accepted the head coaching job at Oregon State, where he will succeed Jay John. John was fired on Jan. 20 after leading the Beavers for five-and-a-half years.

Despite the Penn softball team's neat work yesterday's sweep of Dartmouth, head coach Leslie King talks like it's the midseason doldrums for her women. "I feel like we got away with it, to a certain extent," she said. "We didn't play our best softball." On paper, the Quakers looked clean - no errors, eleven hits and two home runs in the 4-0 and 7-3 wins against the Big Green.

The men's golf team traveled to Notre Dame over the weekend, but the Quakers didn't get any luck of the Irish. Everything about the one-day tournament challenged the Quakers, who carded a team score of 601. That put them in seventh out of nine schools competing.

Facing a Dartmouth team hitting over .320 on the season, the Quakers knew that keeping the ball off their opponent's sweet spot would have to be a high priority. But when you hand out 16 free passes in two contests, winning the hits column of the box score usually isn't enough.

The men's tennis team is now once again in control of its own destiny. Thanks to decisive 6-1 and 5-2 victories over Yale and Brown, respectively - paired with Princeton losses to the same two teams - the Quakers (11-8, 2-1 Ivy) catapulted themselves back into a tie for second place with four matches remaining.

San Diego may have been a pleasant respite from the dreary weekend weather in Philadelphia, but men's heavyweight coach Fred Honebein hopes that his team is "pissed off" after its trip out West. The team struggled, finishing 10th overall in the San Diego Crew Classic.