Sibling rivalry takes center stage this week. We know, it's a weird analogy. After all, Dartmouth is more like the creepy bastard child of the Ivy League than an actual sibling. But we recently came across a Penn student with a disturbing secret - she has an actual, biological brother who attends Dartmouth.

Before his arrest on child-pornography charges, ex-Wharton professor Scott Ward had extensively researched children as a consumer group. According to his resume, Ward's research interests include the effects of television advertising on children and family patterns of consumer behavior.

Start small To the Editor: In your recent editorial ("Don't follow Harvard, yet," DP, 9/13/06), you glibly state that it is "simply not feasible" for Penn to dispense with its early-decision policy altogether. Yes, Penn does not have the financial and administrative resources necessary to make such a move overnight, but perhaps we all need to think a little more creatively.

Laura Rugarber is a student in the College of General Studies. Her e-mail address is rugarber@dailypennsylvanian.com.

April Jones is not in a good mood. She has come in to see her doctor for a routine visit, but her work as an auditor for the Internal Revenue Service has been causing her a lot of stress, which would explain her annoyed, angry demeanor. But April Jones is not a real person - she's a character being portrayed by a local actress.

Two weeks in, the Columbia bakery has run out of cream puffs. For the second straight year, the Lions are 2-0. For the second straight year, they got the two W's against a pair of I-AA weaklings. And for the second straight year, the road gets much tougher in Week 3.

Last week, administrators in the University Registrar's Office were sent scrambling by a novel innovation: Class Buster.

WILMINGTON, Del. - Lawyers for Wharton undergraduate Irina Malinovskaya, accused of murder, worked to demonstrate yesterday that no physical evidence puts their client at the crime scene.

When Columbia hired Norries Wilson to be its head football coach, the university joined a very elite club. Columbia became the 10th school out of over 200 I-A and I-AA programs to currently have a minority head football coach. They are also only one of three schools to have a minority head football and head basketball coach, joining Valparaiso and Washington.

On Dec. 11, 2002, I did math homework for the last time. I was done with derivatives forever, since the following day I was accepted early decision to Penn. High school sort of went uphill from there. Last year, 22,754 of the world's overachievers applied to Harvard, 3,869 of whom applied early.

The AstraZeneca drug corporation launched its first clinical pharmacology unit in the United States at Penn's Presbyterian Medical Center yesterday, according to the company. A clinical pharmacology unit conducts research about the safety of developing drugs and performs initial human testing.

The football landscape is littered with examples like Ryan Fuselier's: A former quarterback becomes a wide receiver and has some success. But the case of the fifth-year Dartmouth senior is somewhat different than most. That's because Fuselier chose to go to Dartmouth specifically so that he would not have to switch to receiver.

The intersection at 39th Street and Lancaster Avenue once appeared rough around the edges, drab with worn buildings itching for a helping hand - and preferably one holding a paintbrush.Beautification efforts eventually took root, and a ceremony Monday morning honored the completion of five autumn-themed murals in the area. The largest, entitled "Just Before Fall," is the product of a Penn class.

The University has increased the clinical staff of Counseling and Psychological Services by almost 25 percent, affirming what administrators are calling a strong commitment to mental health. Four full-time psychologists and one part-time psychologist have been hired as permanent staff members, CAPS Director Ilene Rosenstein said.

Cruising around Philadelphia in a BMW will no longer be an activity limited to those students who have made it to 21. PhillyCarShare, a car-sharing service, allows anyone over the age of 18 that chance. The service, which calls itself the only in the country catering to customers between 18 and 20, allows members to hold keys to a car that they can reserve at any time, or to rent vehicles on a one-time basis.

And you thought excuses like "the dog ate my homework" stopped in high school. According to a Center for Teaching and Learning discussion, being faced with lame attempts to get out of work is just one of the challenges teaching assistants face at Penn. The session given in Van Pelt Library yesterday - called "Dealing with Penn Students" - was designed for graduate students to discuss challenges in managing relationships with Penn undergraduates.

Avery Lawrence is a College junior from Charlottesville, Va. His e-mail address is lawrence@dailypennsylvanian.com.