Enjoy your last few days eating fries and looking out at unending bridge construction — Commons is about to close its doors indefinitely.
Just about every student at Penn has been to 1920s Commons at least once, if only to use up remaining meal swipes after running out of dining dollars. The dining hall has become somewhat of a staple for Penn students. As of next week, however, this will no longer be the case.
“I am disappointed to say that Commons has been shut down due to its improper conduct in regards to health regulations,” Penn President Amy Gutmann announced on Tuesday. For many, the announcement did not come as a surprise, after health reports revealed the presence of strange pink goop at various stations and evidence of pests.
“Everywhere I look I see mice,” College freshman Eliza Cunningham said.
With the biggest dining hall on campus being shuttered, students on meal plans must now turn to alternative options. For now, the Hill and Kings Court English dining halls will be the only ones open. However, the University announced that blueprints for the new college house have been altered to accomodate the closing of Commons. It will now be built with a large three-story dining hall that will open with the college house in 2016.
Gutmann said the dining hall will be “rat free” and “on par with the quality of Chipotle food.” However, the new dining hall will charge three dining swipes for dinner and two swipes for other meals.
Instead of the processed food that Commons has been ridiculed for, the new dining hall will serve all-natural food, just as it was prepared in 1740 when Penn was founded. With an old-school theme, students will be served authentic 18th century food and staff will wear 18th century clothing, including white wigs, to enhance the authenticity.
Some students have expressed deep remorse about Commons shutting down. “It was like a home away from home for me,” said Wharton freshman Bryan Mena. “Commons was ‘bae’ and will always have a place in my heart.”
It is rumored that Gutmann is looking to Kayvon Asemani, a known musician in the Penn community and Wharton freshman, to give a heartfelt goodbye concert. This remains unconfirmed as of yet.
It is yet to be determined what Penn will use the space of the upper level of the building when it reopens. Fortunately for caffeine-addicted students, Starbucks will remain open despite the shutdown.
