Penn porn in the spotlight

It's a feast for the stomach -- and for the eyes. In an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of a similar group at Yale University, Penn's Porn 'n' Cheesesteak club held its first meeting last night in the basement of the Kelly Writers House, a place deemed appropriate to initiate a club that will "bring student creativity to new levels," according to the club's founder. "We only had two cheesesteaks and one film. We're starting small, but we're dreaming big," the founder said. "Yale's Porn 'n' Chicken is going down." Members of the club, or Steakheads as they prefer to be called, gathered to feed their bodies and expand their minds by watching a screening of Nasty Nymphos, "one of the finest masterpieces of pornographic film," said one founding member. An enlightening discussion on the themes and irony of the film followed. "I never expected I'd learn so much," one freshman member said. "I thought the whole thing was a joke, but pornographic films really are an art form." The founder said Porn 'n' Cheesesteak plans to hold weekly screenings for the next month. "We want to make our members sufficiently acquainted with the genre," he said. "Then, having done the appropriate research, we'll begin our own film production." Porn 'n' Cheesesteak plans to make a trilogy of their own porn films, entitled PENNetrations. "We're not ripping off the idea from Yale. We're simply taking something we know we can do better than they can, and striving to be the best," the founder said. The Steakheads plan to make the films as true to real Penn student life as possible and will be shooting scenes at Stouffer Dining Hall, under the Button, on the compass and in the Nipple. "We expect our membership to really grow once our project gets under way," the founder added. Fliers announcing auditions and interviews for the project will be posted across campus shortly. The founder said they expect a great response. "Who wouldn't want to star in a purely Penn production? It'll be a once in a lifetime experience. And working with the state of the art equipment at UTV will be any future filmmaker's dream come true," he said. UTV officials would not confirm that the station will be involved in the project, and disputed claims that their equipment is state of the art. Porn 'n' Cheesesteak expects to start production by the end of April and have a final product ready to kick off Spring Fling next year. Dean of Admissions Lee Stetson said he wishes the Steakheads luck in their endeavor and hopes they are met with success. "Now Penn can proudly say we have all there is to offer by way of student activities," he said. But the members of Porn 'n' Cheesesteak said they will not begin filming in Stouffer until the University repairs significant problems with the floor.