Funding yanked for unimportant sports

In a sign that Penn's building projects are spiraling out of control, Penn President Judith Rodin announced yesterday that in order to fund the completion of Huntsman Hall, the University is eliminating the 10-year budget for club sports. In a closed door session of the University Trustees, Rodin revealed that the new Wharton building has suffered from massive cost overruns, and that in order to avoid defaulting on a loan, the University has been forced to make drastic reductions in its budget. "Club sports have been a drag on the University budget for a long time," Rodin said. "Plus, when we ask students, most of them have never been to, nor want to go to a club sports game." Teams ranging from the aikido club to the tennis club will lose funding as of next September. All club sports teams interviewed were dismayed at the news that the University will no longer fund their activities. "This in an outrage!," roller hockey club president Fritz Hannigan said. "Playing roller hockey in the streets of West Philly is expensive! Our club has to buy skates, sticks, and helmets, not to mention Kevlar body armor. Does Rodin really expect us to pay for all of that?" However, not all students were upset to hear of the loss of club sports. "Every day I walk down the hall and there are club sports flyers everywhere wanting me to do this or join that. Sometimes I get so angry I rip them off the walls and mail them to President Rodin," said a Wharton student who wished to remain anonymous. "Now I know the University is listening." Despite the loss of funding, a number of club sports have resolved to find money elsewhere. "If the University won't fund us, we will find other means of raising money," women's club soccer captain Julie Portman said. "The whole team hooks up pretty much every weekend. Now we'll just do it for money." The University is also planning to offer options to students who can't imagine life at Penn without club sports. "The Bioengineering Department is looking for young candidates to participate in its suspended animation program," Penn Provost Robert Barchi said. "Ten years from now we'll wake you up and you can play sports like nothing ever happened." The University said that while, for the moment, the elimination of club sports will be sufficient to balance the budget, students should be prepared for further cuts in the coming months. Penn has discussed outsourcing Gimbel Gymnasium to the Sweat athletic franchise, as well as converting portions of Rosengarten Reserve into an Indian casino. "The Pennsylvania Indians were run off Penn's property in the 1600s in the cruelest of ways. And in the 1800s they built Van Pelt Library over what was formerly an Indian grave site," Penn History Professor Bob Bunsen said. "The University believes it would only be fair to build and operate a casino in Rosengarten Reserve to commemorate their struggle."

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