JOKE ISSUE: Onyekwe plans transfer to Duke

After being named Ivy League Rookie of the Year, Ugonna Onyekwe has decided to leave the Quakers. [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.] The news just keeps getting worse for the Penn frontcourt. Less than a week after Oggie Kapetanovic announced his possible departure, Penn men's basketball freshman forward Ugonna Onyekwe announced yesterday that he is transferring to Duke after the end of this school year. Transferring to another Division I school, Onyekwe, this season's Ivy League Rookie of the Year, will be ineligible to play for the Blue Devils until the 2001-02 season. Onyekwe made his way to the Quakers as a top-100 prospect. From the beginning, it seemed he was going to be a major presence for the Quakers, but everyone was surprised to see his impact come so quickly and end so abruptly. "We knew we had something special here," Dunphy said. "Unfortunately, other people realized it as well. We wish him the best of luck in future endeavors." A first of its kind for the Ancient Eight, Onyekwe's transfer was sparked by his dominant showing in the Ivy League and in the Quakers' lone NCAA Tournament game against Illinois. Onyekwe led Penn against the Fighting Illini with 17 points and six rebounds. "He caught our eye with the write-up in USA Today after the Princeton game," Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said. "I've known Dunphy since I was a little coaching genius. He would never steer me wrong, and he said this kid was the real deal." Duke, a perennial powerhouse in men's college hoops, ended its season a few weeks ago after being ousted in the third round of the NCAA Tournament by Florida in the East Regional. With one of the smallest benches in the nation, the Blue Devils did not have enough personnel to keep up with the Gators' full-court press. Projected to lose several key players to the NBA draft, including senior forward Chris Carrawell, Krzyzewski needed to look at other means beyond high school talent to reload his team. "With his outside shot and inside moves, Ugonna will be able to fill in several holes on our team," Krzyzewski said. "Having more depth will give us a better chance to win the national championship down the road." Many factors went into Onyekwe's decision to transfer. While he enjoyed his team's run at the title and receiving experience playing for such a well-coached team, the offer was hard for the freshman to turn down. "It was a no-brainer," Onyekwe said. "It's Duke. They are ranked higher than Penn in academics, and their basketball team actually contends for the national crown. Can you say 'television exposure' and 'lottery pick'? It's real easy." Onyekwe also realized that losing Michael Jordan, Matt Langel and Frank Brown would make it difficult for the Quakers to perform as well as this past season. "We are going to suck next year," Onyekwe said. "I told Dunph that if I was going to play, they were going to have to give me the damn ball." While enjoying the support the fans showed the team, Onyekwe recalls that he never really felt at home in the Palestra. "The fans are all a bunch of bandwagoners," Onyekwe said. "They never used to show up. It wasn't until we clinched things that people finally started coming. By the way, that whole "UUUUUU" thing -- it's annoying. Isn't Penn in the Ivy League? Don't you think these students can come up with something a little more original?" Seen in his new Lexus convertible, Onyekwe feels he made the right decision to sign with the Blue Devils. "We like to keep everyone who is part of our Duke family very happy," Krzyzewski said. "Winning does not come easy or cheap."

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