JOKE ISSUE: Owens reinjures jaw in ECW chair mishap

The Quakers center was the victim of an errant folding chair tossed by ECW titleholder Taz. The offseason is supposed to be a time to heal from wounds suffered during the season -- or so Geoff Owens thought. The Penn men's basketball center is injured once again. His latest woes came last night while attending a professional wrestling match with Penn teammates and roommates Matt Langel and Michael Jordan. The three Penn basketball players were seated in the third row of an Extreme Championship Wrestling match at Philadelphia's ECW Arena between titleholder Taz and top contender Sabu. Five minutes into the match, Taz grabbed a folding chair to hurl at a charging Sabu. The wrestler ducked and the chair was inadvertently tossed out of the ring, hitting Owens in the face. This, however, was just the beginning. The Philadelphia-based ECW is known as the most violent and hardcore of the professional wrestling organizations and a brawl broke out after the chair hit Owens. Jordan and Langel emerged unscathed from the fight, which involved both wrestlers and fans. Owens, who spent the last month of the season with his mouth wired shut after breaking his jaw at Dartmouth, was not so lucky. In addition to re-breaking his jaw with the initial hit, Owens suffered a concussion, a broken nose, two black eyes, a pulled hamstring, a broken arm, a sprained ankle, a stubbed toe, a hangnail and numerous cuts and bruises. "This really sucks," said Owens' girlfriend and Penn women's basketball player Diana Caramanico, who also yesterday announced she is leaving school early to join the WNBA. "It's really not fun when my boyfriend keeps getting the crap kicked out of him." With his mouth re-wired, Owens is again on a pure liquid diet for at least two months. "Rrrrghrr reeraghar rrrellgh reerohh raroolh," Owens said through his wired-shut mouth. Perhaps the most amazing thing about Owens' injuries, however, is that he does not plan on missing any offseason workouts. The first time he broke his jaw, the 6'11" Owens missed just one game, a loss to Villanova that came two hours after surgery to wire his jaw. After missing all of the 1997-98 season with a medical condition, Owens expressed concern over the possibility of missing any more time due to injuries and he plans on being at the Palestra today for a workout. And despite his wires, casts, bandages, stitches, breathing tubes and wheelchair, he plans to complete a strenuous workout. "It's only the offseason. He can afford to miss some time with an injury or 10," Langel said. "But that is not something Geoff would do. He's absolutely crazy." While Owens' wounds heal, the matter of settling up with ECW still remains. The organization will cover all of Owens' medical costs but that is not enough for one of his friends. "Geoff took a beating and now we want to give a beating back," an angered Jordan said. "ECW is bunch of haters. Haa-ters!!" Jordan has suggested that he, Langel and Owens -- collectively known as the "Triple Threat" -- get a chance to take on three ECW stars in a match after Owens recovers. It does not, however, look as though Jordan will get his wish. Along with objections from Penn coach Fran Dunphy, ECW officials are not thrilled about the idea. "Oh please, they're basketball players, not wrestlers. They'll get killed," one top ECW official said. "And they didn't even offer Jon Tross or Mike Sullivan. At least those two guys have some meat to throw around in the ring." While these Penn athletes may not get a chance to show off their wrestling talents, someone is hoping one of their former teammates will. While he was in town for Wrestlemania XV last week, wrestling superstar "Stone Cold" Steve Austin learned about Penn fans wearing "Romanczuk 3:16" T-shirts that are modeled on his own "Austin 3:16" shirts and he is not the least bit amused. Although Penn senior Paul Romanczuk, a first-team All-Ivy honoree this past season, had nothing to do with the shirts, he has become a target for Austin. "I don't know much about this Romanowski guy but I don't like people copying off me," said Austin, who has invited Romanczuk to a steel-cage, anything-goes match to the death. Romanczuk, though, is not interested. While he did show some muscle in the low post this year, he does not want to fight anybody -- especially Austin. "Hey, I have no reason to hurt him," Romanczuk said. "Besides, I didn't make the shirts. Why can't this moron realize that?" While it appears no current or former Penn basketball players will step into the ring anytime soon, Owens' health remains the most important issue. "They should stay on the court," Dunphy said. "I'll take care of any beat-downs they need issued."