COLUMN: "Hitchhiker's Guide to Cliches"

From David Chun's "The World According to Dave," Fall '92 -- Sir Winston Spencer Churchill · Being a Daily Pennsylvanian columnist is "not just a job, it's an adventure." We are required to take issues "hot off the press," and take a firm stance. Sometimes we are called upon "to run that extra mile" by "playing the devil's advocate." But most importantly, we must refrain from using cliches in our writing. So here is the official warning: "According to the surgeon general," the following social commentary contains explicit materials filled with senseless clich s that may be harmful for young audiences and the weak-minded. Please read on "at your own risk." Isn't life just like a cliche? Just like "a trite, stereotyped expression," you are brought into this world by two parents that "fell in love at first sight." You are their "pride and joy" until the teenage years "rock the boat." At this age, you are truly "the young and the restless." Fortunately, these "growing pains" don't last forever. Of course, just like a cliche, your originality is lost in these "wonder years" because conformity is the accepted norm in society. After years of "burning the midnight oil" and "painting the town red," you suddenly realize that high school will soon be "gone with the wind." So you read the newspaper, looking for a job, and discover that "it's a dog-eat-dog world out there." The only alternative is to take the Scholastic Aptitude Test and "hope for the best." But after receiving your scores, you pray that "every cloud has a silver lining." Since Harvard is now only a "one-in-a-million chance," you apply to Penn -- where "laws without morals are useless" -- and cry out "Angels and ministers of grace protect us." After receiving a series of acceptance letters from the safety schools, "life can be a bowl of cherries." But you should never "count your chickens before they hatch," because Ivy rejection letters come at a later date. With "divine intervention," you are accepted to Penn, and realize that "it ain't over 'til it's over." When the roommate assigned at Penn was not exactly what you expected, you said to yourself "one can never judge a book by its cover." When you saw all the materialistic junk the roommate had, you said to yourself "the grass is always greener on the other side." And then when you finally met your roommate's girlfriend, you moaned that "every dog has his day." Years pass, things improve, and you meet "the girl of your dreams" on Locust Walk, and "fall head over heels in love." Because "it's a small world," you discover that she is from the same hometown. You "spend quality time together," fall in love, and buy her an engagement ring because you know that "diamonds are a girl's best friend." Now you both graduate top of the class, get a job that makes you feel "lonely at the top," get married, and have your 2.5 kids. And just when you thought it was all over, the long overused cliche of life recycles again. The point here is simple. Society makes the life of a human being too much like "a trite, stereotyped expression that has lost originality and impact by long overuse." There is a strong tendency for people to fall into a regimented, tedious lifestyle where work and sleep monopolize most of the day. People should resist this temptation and constantly strive to be original and enthusiastic about life. After all, "rules are made to be broken." So, in reflecting back to the long journey through the highway of life, "don't you wish everybody used" Dave's "Hitchhiker's Guide to Cliches"? In conclusion, I'll leave you with these three cliches. If the reader enjoyed this trite little trite piece and its 40 cliches, "there is a sucker born every minute," and "I've also got a nice bridge to sell you." If the reader was dissatisfied with this piece, well, "you win some, you lose some." David Chun is a junior Political Science and Psychology major from Miami, Florida. "The World According to Dave" appears alternate Thursdays.

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