Gay student shares experiences

Stuart's story is worth a thousand speeches. He is a College senior, a Locust Walk fraternity brother and a residential advisor. And Stuart is gay. Today marks the end of Bisexual Gay/Lesbian Awareness Days at the University, a week-long series of events held to proclaim pride in sexual orientation and to counter the forces of prejudice and homophobia. And behind every cry of "Hey hey, ho ho, homophobia's got to go," there is an individual voice in the masses, whose story -- like Stuart's -- is all his or her own. Stuart, like many others who discover their sexual orientation at college, came to school not realizing that he was gay. Coming from a small town, he joined a fraternity to "meet people fast." While he sensed that he was "different" from other students, he did not seek out peer counseling or the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Alliance at the University. "I had the numbers for peer counseling, but didn't think it applied to me," he said. "I felt too awkward." But after going downtown to a gay bar and seeing men dancing with men and women dancing with women, something struck a chord. "It felt right," he said. "It was then that I realized that I was gay, and that I would have to deal with it." "Being able to admit it to myself was one of the most difficult things I ever did," he added. Stuart's difficulties increased, however, when he realized that he was living two lives -- going downtown on the weekends to meet gay men, and maintaining the facade of a straight man with his fraternity brothers and other friends on campus. He was nervous about telling his brothers, and said that "[being gay] wasn't something they frowned upon . . . but it was just something I knew they wouldn't expect." Stuart kept silent for a year and a half, feeling more and more like he was being wrenched in two different directions by his two different lives. Then, in a drunken stupor after a fraternity party at the beginning of his junior year, Stuart slit one of his wrists. He called University Police soon after and was taken to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, where he was "locked in a rubber room" for a night. After sobering up, Stuart regretted what he had tried to do. He met a counselor at HUP who helped him sort through his feelings. "I got comfortable with being gay," Stuart said. "It was then that I started thinking about coming out." He planned to tell his closest friends in the fraternity house before the other brothers, and told his president and little brother, both of whom, he said, were very supportive and caring. When Stuart told the rest of his brothers at a fraternity council meeting -- at which he sat next to the door "just in case"-- he said he was glad to find that they were "fantastic about it." "After that, I felt so much closer to all of them," Stuart said. "Friends like that are hard to come by." Stuart's involvement with his fraternity became a difficult issue once again last spring, when he was faced with the controversial topic of diversifying Locust Walk. He attended a meeting at which the Progressive Student Alliance requested the LGBA's support for a petition which advocated removing Locust Walk fraternities on the grounds that they are guilty of harassment and chauvinism. Stuart stood up and protested. "I said that I was totally offended," he said. "[People] accuse fraternities of being bigoted and racist, not allowing minorities in. It's making huge generalizations about white heterosexual homophobes, and it's just not true of all people." Stuart is currently involved with his activities as an R.A., and with the final semester of his college career. After graduation, he says, he plans to come out to his family. "I'd rather know I have their financial support now," he said. "After graduation, it won't matter." Stuart said his story is not unique. "There are a lot, and I mean a lot, of gay people in fraternities and on sports teams," Stuart said, adding that most still closet their sexual identity. He said he hopes people will learn the lesson of toleration and respect for difference through experience. "We can be great fraternity brothers, team members, journalists, everything," Stuart said. "We're just like everyone else." "But until you actually know someone, you don't really learn," he added. "I'm a firm believer that only experience is the best teacher of diversity."