COLUMN: "Who's the Real Feminist?"

From Jennifer Kornreich's "The Devil Made Me Do It," Spring '92 A critic of my column has recently brought my "archaic views toward gender" to my attention. After all, there was the time I decided two high-profile men who had insulted women could escape the electric chair. Moreover, I sinfully used the generic "he" in reference to politicians, instead of the more fashionable "he/she." And I've mentioned that I've had cosmetic surgery. From all this, it has been astutely -- not! -- surmised that I have accepted the secondary status of women. Ohhhh, thank you for showing me the light. If I hadn't broken free, I might've dropped out of school, gotten married next year and wound up objectifying myself by posing in Hustler and then spending the money on shopping sprees between cranking out fourteen little brats. This criticism of my alleged backwardness is the perfect prototype of the current bullshit I call pseudo-feminism -- because real feminism it ain't. It's a parody of the true principles of the women's movement. It ranks right up there with Stalin's distortion of the philosophy behind communism. Nothing disgusts me more than self-righteous, self-proclaimed "feminists" who cast blanket pronouncements of sexism on everything in the goddamn world not directly in sync with their agenda. These are people who interpret every aspect of life in terms of the battle of the sexes, thereby trivializing their own cause. You know the type. These are people who can't read a 16th century text without imposing modern standards of gender relations upon their evaluation of it. Who insist that the spelling of "women" be changed to "womyn." Who wax ballistic if you say "salesman"instead of "salesperson." Who point to their unshaved armpits and mascara-free eyelashes proudly, as proof of their "liberation" from "male-dominated standards of beauty." (Unfortunately, these aren't idle caricatures. I actually know people like this.) These are people who claim that, anatomy aside, there are absolutely no differences between men and women. Who are obviously in need of a reality check. Well, let me edify you, boys and gyrls. This type of "feminism" is a travesty. It's not liberal at all. It's just as conservative and intolerant as the male chauvinism you're trying to escape. This pseudo-feminism concerns itself with superficial form rather than delving into real content. Its proponents sit in my classes and try to redefine literature from previous ages without any regard to context. Or they think that they need to quell any traditional appearances of femininity in order to prove themselves as equal to men. At the extreme, they attempt to reconstruct themselves as one-half of the population wholly independent of, and superior to, the other half. In short, they render feminism meaningless -- a joke. After all, if everyone starts saying "humankind" instead of "mankind," will it reduce sexual inequality at all? I mean, come on -- are such issues really the crux of the problem? Or are gender-coded beauty and language standards and other outward forms only the symptoms that just don't matter much when the underlying disease is what needs to be tackled? I'm inclined to believe the latter. Established habits of etiquette, speech patterns and appearance aren't worthy of condemnation when the key issue -- what is really at stake -- is the question of female merit and autonomy, which are qualities that can transcend either a miniskirt and lipstick, or a crew cut and jeans. And this is why I do consider myself a feminist. By feminist, I mean I advocate the inherent worth of women as full-fledged citizens with intellectual capacities, intrinsic dignity and legal rights equal to that of men. By feminist, I mean that I believe women deserve the same privileges and responsibilites as men in the workplace and everywhere else. By feminist, I mean that I believe men and women can have different needs, strengths and weakness, and behavioral tendencies -- and still be equal. I mean I believe women need men, just as men need women -- and not just sexually, either. By feminism, I mean a realistic practice of treating both sexes with respect -- of accomodating gender differences to signify not a power struggle, but a complementary system of equality. Sorry, womyn -- I don't mean an unrealistic vision of Amazons exulting over their defeated male counterparts. My kind of feminism is pro-person -- much more liberal, I think, than the current "pro-woman" philosophy that condemns as a failure a woman who is a housewife by her own choice. Yes, I shave my legs. I wear a bra. I may only hyphenate my last name instead of using it without my husband's entirely when I marry. I don't think that all men are the anti-Christ -- although I've met quite a few who are. Sometimes I even let them hold a door open for me. I listen to Howard Stern, and I -- gasp! -- enjoy it because I take his idiotic sexist remarks for the absurdities that they are. And guess what? I think that when some jerk tries to humiliate me by yelling "Nice tits," it's actually more effective to open my mouth and stand up for myself as a woman, rather than go crying "sexual harassment" so that other people have to take care of something that I'm perfectly capable of handling on my own. Finally -- can you believe it? -- I feel that gaining both men and women's respect through rational behavior is a greater achievement for women than just cowing men into a seemingly respectful but actually alienated and resentful P.C. silence. And I'm pretty damn certain that none of these behaviors of mine constitute, in themselves, any secondary status that I may experience as a woman in this society. So, to my critic, I thank you for your concern regarding my oppression by men. But do me a favor and don't even try to imply that you're more of a feminist that I am. I guarantee you I am proud to be a woman. I am comfortable with femininity as something to celebrate rather than reform or eradicate. And I am certain of my ability to function in this world without any degradation to myself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to meet my professor. I'm sleeping with him for an "A." Jennifer Kornreich is a junior English major from Roslyn, New York. "The Devil Made Me Do It" appears alternate Tuesdays.