COLUMN: "Will You Marry Me?"

From Reshma Yaqub's "Text, Translation and Commentary," Spring '92. No, it wasn't arranged. That's the second question people usually ask after they pick their jaws up off the floor. The first is, 'Were you pregnant?' Now, I may be fighting a losing battle with five pounds, but no, I wasn't pregnant -- I was just in love. There are lots of benefits to being married in college. First of all, wedding guests realize you don't need household items, so they give you cash instead of appliances. (I only got two toasters.) Another boon is that there's someone in the world who wants to spend as much time with you as you want to spend with him. Face it, even the family that loves you couldn't stand more than 72 straight hours in a room with you. You'll never be bored on Saturday night, as long as you live. And there's someone that understands what you mean, even when you're not sure what you mean. Having a spouse is kind of like having a soulmate, a playmate, a masseur, a bodyguard, a guardian angel and a teddy bear all in one. It's cost-effective. It's always cheaper to buy groceries for two, and you can take advantage of two-for-one deals at Muffins 'N' More. You can take turns being lazy; only getting up to turn the lights out every other night. And best of all, you never have to worry about whether he means it when he says he'll call. Marriage makes you think. It's a jolting experience, one of the biggest steps of your life. It makes you re-evaluate your goals and clarify your priorities. Usually it takes a traumatic event to make a young adult face herself in her true light. It's good to learn a lot about yourself at such a young age. It means you have more time to refine and redefine yourself, and more time to traverse the path you choose, not a path that is chosen for you. Marriage is not for everyone. And at a young age, for fewer still. You have to know it's the right person. And it has to be the right time in your life. You have to have space in your life for another person with needs, demands, emotional baggage and dreams of his own. You have to be flexible enough to adjust to in-laws. You have to be open to change; and above all, you must be tolerant of the unfamiliar and irritating. You have to hold on to each other -- but very loosely -- so you can grow instead of stifling each other. You have to be willing to put up with the excruciating hassles of planning a wedding that your parents are paying for, especially when "you and yours" agree on exactly nothing. For many people, marriage is a perceived loss of freedom. But what freedom exactly? The freedom to date three different people on the weekend but still face the struggles of life alone because none of them really meant anything to you? The freedom to play the game of how far, how fast, how many? The freedom to contract sexually transmitted diseases? The freedom to expose yourself to date rape? The freedom to commit date rape? The freedom to go out with your friends night after night and talk about what you'd rather be doing, if only you had the right person to do it with? The freedom to calculate your exact portion of the check plus tip? The freedom to wait by the phone? You can still be frivolous and enjoy marriage while in college. Amazingly, you don't have to face the harsh realities of life, because you're cushioned by the academic environment. It gives you time to really explore each other, without the burden of struggling to make ends meet, like most young couples have to. The biggest decisions you have to make are where to eat dinner and what movie to see, not whether to take out a second mortgage loan from Champion. Your youth is your best time, and to be able to share it openly and completely with someone feels incredible. Marriage doesn't have to hold you back. You can still go to graduate school, still have a career, still have your old friends. Your ideal mate has many of the same life goals as you do. You don't have to give up your rights or your life. The essence of marriage is not sacrifice -- it's compromise. Today is my seven month wedding anniversary. Amer is 24 and he is working on his MBA. He does dishes, and he takes out the garbage. More importantly, he keeps my feet warm on cold winter nights. This is one marriage that is not going to end up on the cutting room floor. Reshma Memon Yaqub is a senior Political Science major from Potomac, Maryland. Text, Translation and Commentary will appear alternate Wednesdays.