*This article appeared in the 2008 Joke Issue.
University officials announced yesterday that Donald Trump, 1964 Wharton alumnus, donated $100 million for a new building that will be erected over the existing Steinberg-Dietrich Hall. The complex will be renamed Steinberg-Trump-Dietrich Hall.
"This donation will help us make STD the campus's first skyscraper," said University spokeswoman Lori Doyle.
Trump outsourced the project and hired his own architect, Der Scutt, to head the erection of STD. Scutt was the "mastermind" behind both Trump Tower and Trump World Tower, said Donald Trump Jr., Trump's son.
"He doesn't think the University's architects can make a big enough splash with this," he added.
Like many of his previous buildings, Trump will include a waterfall that discharges into a pool by the Locust Walk entryway of STD.
"I can't wait to make my mark on campus. Erecting this STD will be my ultimate triumph," said Trump in a phone interview.
The building will be 69 stories high.
"The STD network will be bigger than anything the campus has ever seen," said Barbara Lea-Kruger of Business Services. Each laptop will have a direct link to Trump's STD source, Trump Towers, which will allow Wharton students to chat with entrepreneurs in New York City.
Career Services is also planning on creating a wing in STD dedicated to Wharton. This branch will be modeled after Trump's reality series, The Apprentice, as per his request. Students will compete on UTV to earn internships, including several esteemed positions at Bear Stearns.
Students have mixed reactions to the decision to build over the current building.
"Once Trump starts, situations like STD will spread like wildfire and before you know it, he'll be all over campus," said Wharton student Phillip Milton Andover IV.
In giving the University this donation, Trump also added two stipulations. A granite statue modeled in his image must be erected in place of the Ben Franklin in front of College Hall. Additionally, his daughter Ivanka Trump, 2004 alumna, must be inducted as the new Wharton Dean, replacing Robertson.
Robertson could not be reached for comment, as usual.
Penn President Amy Gutmann said she is very excited about Trump's donation and looks forward to the new development on campus. "Trump's STD will prove that Penn is truly a leader in higher education," she said.
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