DPOSTM destroys Weenies in shutout at Franklin Field
The DP sports staff ran up a 58-point margin to win its third consecutive Kamin Cup title.
November 14, 2001, 5:00 am·
As kickoff time approached at Franklin Field on Sunday, the Daily Pennsylvanian's Only Staff That Matters waited for the hated Weenies to show up.
Thankfully, the Weenies did, or it could have been a lot worse.
Fighting even harder than the French Foreign Legion, the Weenies absorbed a 58-0 crushing at the hands of a DPOSTM squad that barely broke a sweat in its third straight Kamin Cup victory.
"Eep!" squealed victorious DPOSTM captain Jason "Boss" Bodnar. "Eep! Eep!"
Judy "The Nose Knows" Griffin sacked Weenies quarterback Steve "Please Don't Hurt Me" Brauntuch in the end zone to give DPOSTM a 2-0 lead on the game's third play, and the rout was on.
Led by six touchdown passes from Kyle "Lara Loves Me" Bender and five interceptions by defensive back Rick "Flutie" Lapidos, the DPOSTMites authored one of the greatest drubbings in Kamin Cup history.
Things did not get better for the Weenies when Drew "I Wrap Girls up in Blankets" Armstrong replaced the pitiful Brauntuch. Armstrong was frequently hounded by Andrew "Drugs" DeLaney, who had no trouble breaking through the porous Weenie line.
The DPOSTM line, without the aid of methamphetamine, featured three senior blocks of granite -- Will "Staples" Ulrich, Sub "Grampa" Stockman and Jesse "Motors" Spector. The line scored twice and debilitated the likes of Jon "Lump of Dough" Margulies all day long.
Spector delighted in catching his first career touchdown in the second half, and was also ecstatic over a first-half play on which he tipped a pass into the waiting hands of Kyle "Plucky" Bahr for a score.
Bahr wrapped up a stellar Kamin Cup career, which could not be said for Rod "Max Weenie" Kurtz, the Weenies captain who accomplished less on Sunday than a Princeton basketball player at a slam dunk contest.
Amy "Harry" Potter accomplished something, scoring what she claimed to be the first touchdown by a girl in DPOSTM history. Assuming that history extends back to last Tuesday, Ryan "R" Kelly also had a notable score, notching the first-ever DPOSTM touchdown by a Long Islander to cap the scoring.