The Daily Pennsylvanian’s annual gag issue has a long history, of which another chapter has been written today.

Two students were cited for more than 20 violations of city health code, according to Philadelphia Health Department spokesman Jeff Moran, causing HUP visits to increase 10 percent.

After holding a stable position at the top of national rankings for well over 20 years, Wharton has fallen to number 121 on Forbes’ listing of top business schools in the country, released Monday.

In a move that stunned classmates, teammates and teachers, a Penn softball player has changed out of her ‘Penn Softball’ sweatpants.

After months of searching, , the man who shot an undercover state officer and a Drexel student in January at the Bridge Cinema De Lux was found Monday night.

A Penn Sports Medicine director confirmed yesterday that Rosen has stress fractures up and down his spine.

Retracted a mere 15 minutes after its release, the alert prompted a mass exodus involving not only the 1,500 recipients but also friends and acquaintances who had been informed of the message’s contents, in addition to curious Philadelphians who happened to be near campus.

For months, the Penn community has assumed that former men’s basketball coach Glen Miller was fired for inadequate performance. He had insufficient drive, critics complained, and had trouble breeding positive relations. If only.

University administrators voted Monday to introduce a 10 p.m. curfew for freshmen during New Student Orientation, to address concerns about binge drinking at fraternity parties.

Experts say Specter, formerly a Democrat — and formerly a former Republican ­— made the switch because he faced a tough primary against his opponent, U.S. Rep. Joe Sestak (D-Pa.).

The University announced Monday that two dining employees have received tenure, while two esteemed professors will be stripped of tenure.

The announcement followed Penn’s recent decision not to suspend study abroad programs in Mexico, despite the U.S. Department of State’s travel warning.

The wrestling program has been shrouded in mystery since last November, when the Penn Athletic Department doled out suspensions to Penn wrestlers under the vague guise of “administrative policy.”

In an incident echoing Susan Finkelstein’s October sex-for-tickets case, Penn Police arrested two Penn students Monday night for allegedly offering to have sex for Fling wristbands.

Upon finally hearing he was named the men’s basketball coach, an unnaturally svelte Jerome Allen began to have second thoughts.