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Easter is, in our opinion, the holiday with the best candy. The CVS on 39th and Walnut still has some candy leftover from the past few weeks, and they're selling it for 75% off. Hurry up and grab some Cadbury eggs before they disappear for a whole 11 months!
Move-out time is sadly just a few weeks away, meaning you will soon have to pack up all your ish and bring it to your summer sublet/your parents' house/the P. O. Box you've set up in the Cayman Islands. Luckily, Comcast is giving out free boxes in a tent outside of DU right now.
The results are in, and overwhelmingly, you selected "bro-tacular sleeveless jerseys" as Spring Fling 2009's most annoying meme. Retire those babies to your closets, boys, unless you want us to sic Dzine2Show on you.
Tipsters are all abuzz about the costumes spotted on the walk today. They're totally bizarre, we agree, but what are they?
Today in alarmist national media attention, the prestigious New Yorker takes great lengths to details your neuroenhancer habit. The BoredAt Web sites—which allow college students to chat idly while they’re ostensibly studying—are filled with messages about Adderall. Posts like these, from the BoredAtPenn site, are typical: “I have some Adderall—I’m sitting by room 101.10 in a grey shirt and headphones”; “I have Adderall for sale 20mg for $15”; “I took Adderall at 8 p.m., it’s 6:30 a.m. and I’ve barely blinked.” When Street covered this topic a whole year and a half ago, we quoted the selfsame message boards! We also learned to spot the profile of a typical Adderral user: White male undergraduates at highly competitive schools—especially in the Northeast—are the most frequent collegiate users of neuroenhancers. Users are also more likely to belong to a fraternity or a sorority, and to have a G.P.A. of 3.0 or lower. They are ten times as likely to report that they have smoked marijuana in the past year, and twenty times as likely to say that they have used cocaine. In other words, they are decent students at schools where, to be a great student, you have to give up a lot more partying than they’re willing to give up. UTB isn't fully convinced that Adderall actually works, i.e. allows you to get more work done, but we do know this: it's dangerous and you should probably get some sleep.
From the looks of our puddle-strewn campus, it's hard to believe that just two days ago we were basking in Fling sunshine. Pray tell, which trend do you most wish you could erase from your Facebook albums? Vote in our poll!
Ladies and gents of the College, we've got a student speaker for graduation. Sarah-Jane Littleford is from Zimbabwe and majors in sunstainable development. Girlfriend gets to sit next to John Legend, so understandably we're jealous.
While we were getting punch-drunk and sunburnt in the Quad, Penn made weekend appearances in not one but two newspapers. We already told you about the Inky's beef with shoutouts, and now we bring you the New York Times's story on how Wharton seniors are coping with the post-apocalyptic economy. The article comes complete with the individual-example-of-economic-hardship-as-allegory lede ("Riana Paige, an undergraduate senior at the Wharton School of Business, had a high-paying internship at JPMorgan Chase last summer...") and the obligatory "We're standing around on Locust Walk because we're Penn students" photo illustrations. But what else do we learn?
Did you know shoutouts are due today? Well, they are, so send 'em in. Did you know that there's a big article about said deadline in today's Philadelphia Inquirer? Well, there is. It begins:
If you're game to take plastic bat to monkey piñata, you've still got a chance to win wristbands for tomorrow's concert. Head to the LOVE statue now!
Various tipsters and twitterers are reporting that fall schedules are up on PennInTouch. Have at it, kiddies.
Today marks Wawa's 45th anniversary, the Inquirer reports. Imagine that, 45 years of hoagies and ice cream pints and Sour Patch Kids. Dearest Wawa, whether it's the fratty one on 37th and Spruce or the Van Pelt-convenient one on 36th and Chestnut, you're always there for us, and no matter how many 7-11's and CVS's come to campus, we'll always choose you. And now for some fun Wawa facts from the article! Consider them conversation fodder for the next time you're waiting for your sandwich: Wawa started out as "a modest Delaware County milk-delivery business," but has since "become the region's third-largest food merchant, behind Acme and ShopRite." The company traces its beginnings to a 19th-century New Jersey iron foundry owned by George Wood, who moved to Wawa, Pa. and took up dairy farming, which led to the home-delivery business. Wawa "employs 16,000 people and sells 195 million cups of coffee a year at its 570 stores in five states, and is among the top 10 coffee sellers in the country." The goose logo "dates from a time when a Canada goose was a welcome site." (Whatever that means.) "Today it is a major player in the gas market. Wawa has about 200 sites with service stations, and all new Wawas will sell gas." Cheers to 45 more years!
Shut up. Shut up. You had us at [sign language hello]. Today, 34th Street endeavors to communicate with you beyond our usual prose stylings. In our cover story, read about the American Sign Language program, which is mos def and mos deaf one of Penn's most vital. Insiders' tip: the signs on the cover of the magazine (and at right) spell out STREET! Now you can spell out other words using the letters S, T, R, and E, like REST or STRESS. But hahaha, rest and stress are irrelevant for the next four days, 'cause it's Fling! 'Tis the day before fling, in fact, as our editor's letter expresses in verse. We've also got a comedic faceoff in Ego, an ode to Ashlee "yes, you're that obvious" Simpson (post 7th Heaven, pre Mrs. Wentz), a Fling weekend culinary primer, and ever so much more. So pick up the magazine, goshdarnit!
After poring through entries that varied in quality from brilliant to inane for our Fling Wristband Giveaway, we are proud to announce the winners! Your task was to create a fling-themed neologism, and the34th Street staff voted to determine the best definitions.
Tonight campus food mag Penn Appetit launches their fourth issue with a discussion panel featuring the owners of West Philly dining faves Dock Street Brewery, Rx and Sugar & Cream, among others. And supposedly there will be refreshments too...any wagers on how long the food will last? We say it'll be gone by 7:45, but by all means, see for yourself.
Hooray, we have some additions to our growing dossier of noninspirational career advice! Via the New York Times this weekend: "All Is Not Lost for the Class of 2009." And via our very own Claire Kleiger of Career Services last week: "It's tough but hang in there." One of the great listserv e-mail headlines of its time, no? But read on, because it gets worse. Like telling us to take comfort in a broadway musical about puppets worse: "I leave you with another potential personal theme song from Avenue Q (can you tell it’s one of my favorite musicals?), 'For Now,' about a recent college grad from an ivy league institution struggling to figure out what to do with his life (sound familiar?). And, as the song says, remember that this poor economy is also 'only for now.'" Oh, Career Services...thanks for that.
Eagle-eyed contributor Ashley Dreyfus spotted an interesting flyer in Mark's Cafe. She reports:
Today, the New York Times Book Review assesses Plain, Honest Men: The Making of the American Constitution, the new book by History department mainstay Richard Beeman. (Earlier this year, they reviewed Mary Frances Berry's book -- hey History department, who do you know at the Times?) So how does Beeman fare? The Times praises his "gently judicious tone," and later calls him "almost too judicious," before noting that Beeman's "judiciousness ... usually serves him well." NYT, might we suggest investing in a thesaurus? We think it would be a judicious, wise, prudent and rational thing to do.
We hear that conservative pundit/failed Dancing with the Stars contestant/general cutie pie Tucker Carlson will be on campus next Thursday (the unofficial first day of Fling). St. Anthony Hall, Penn's wasp enclave, will be hosting. Gentlemen, we suggest you drop off your Nantucket reds at the cleaners pronto.
We've reached the end of our visual Penn survival guide, a collaboration between UTB and David Comberg's Information Design class (FNAR 337). With the weekend ahead of, once again the topic is beer. Click on the thumbnail to see the full image.
Solutions by The State News
