Music interview: Bananas don't wear pants
(11/29/01 10:00am)
I guess we're just gonna start out with a little history of the band and history of the group as it is now...
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Get a Nightlife: Follow the White Rabbit
(11/29/01 10:00am)
700 Club
Film: Don't Mess With Wes Anderson
(11/29/01 10:00am)
Just looking at Wes Anderson, with his clear-rimmed glasses, mussed hair, a velvet suit and New Balance sneakers, it's easy to figure out where he got the inspiration for Rushmore's Max Fisher. Like Max, Anderson was that guy who, in school, would write plays and have his buddies star in them. In The Royal Tenenbaums, the dry, hilarious, subtle humor that he and actor Owen Wilson have created (Wilson also co-wrote Bottle Rocket and Rushmore and stars in this film) comes onto the screen with precision, thanks to Anderson's meticulous direction. If he's deliberate and somewhat of a perfectionist, it's only because he wants to get his vision for each scene and the movie as a whole onto the screen.
Film: Don't Mess With Wes Anderson
(11/29/01 5:00am)
Just looking at Wes Anderson, with his clear-rimmed glasses, mussed hair, a velvet suit and New Balance sneakers, it's easy to figure out where he got the inspiration for Rushmore's Max Fisher. Like Max, Anderson was that guy who, in school, would write plays and have his buddies star in them. In The Royal Tenenbaums, the dry, hilarious, subtle humor that he and actor Owen Wilson have created (Wilson also co-wrote Bottle Rocket and Rushmore and stars in this film) comes onto the screen with precision, thanks to Anderson's meticulous direction. If he's deliberate and somewhat of a perfectionist, it's only because he wants to get his vision for each scene and the movie as a whole onto the screen.
Film: Don't Mess With Wes Anderson
(11/29/01 5:00am)
Just looking at Wes Anderson, with his clear-rimmed glasses, mussed hair, a velvet suit and New Balance sneakers, it's easy to figure out where he got the inspiration for Rushmore's Max Fisher. Like Max, Anderson was that guy who, in school, would write plays and have his buddies star in them. In The Royal Tenenbaums, the dry, hilarious, subtle humor that he and actor Owen Wilson have created (Wilson also co-wrote Bottle Rocket and Rushmore and stars in this film) comes onto the screen with precision, thanks to Anderson's meticulous direction. If he's deliberate and somewhat of a perfectionist, it's only because he wants to get his vision for each scene and the movie as a whole onto the screen.
Dan Fishback: Apathetic student awaits ax death
(11/12/01 10:00am)
It was supposed to be a simple day. I was going to get up early, saunter on over to Van Pelt and research into the wee hours. For the first time in weeks, my little planner/calendar thingy only bore one item: Research. And fun research at that: "The Effects of The Rocky Horror Picture Show on Concepts of Self in Late 20th Century American Youth Culture." Finally, I was going to do something useful with my college education. And I was going to do it all day long.
M. X-C sinks to dead last at Heptagonal Championships
(10/30/01 10:00am)
The Penn men's cross country team returned to Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx last Saturday to compete against its seven Ivy rivals and Navy at the Heptagonal Championships.
Candid talk earns high praise
(10/24/01 9:00am)
As Ben Stein addressed the hordes of Penn students who packed into Irvine Auditorium last night, many were less concerned about the celebrity's political views than about the chance to hear his famous monotone phrase: "Bueller, Bueller."
A shot of American culture
(10/22/01 9:00am)
Every March, when intoxicated spring breakers from the United States invade Marcelo Miretti's native Mexico, he stops going out at night. The College junior just can't stand the vibe they bring south of the border.
Guides: Saturday, October 20, 2001
(10/18/01 9:00am)
"Perhaps it's #8..."
Security tightened around Franklin Field
(10/05/01 9:00am)
Due in large part to the events of Sept. 11, security at Franklin Field will be increased for tomorrow's game against Holy Cross, and likely for the remainder of the season.
Music: Pushing happy drugs
(10/04/01 9:00am)
America's hardest working punk rockers are back once again with another stellar release, Pump up the Valuum, which showcases the same hard-hitting guitar riffs, drum beats and vocals from Fat Mike that made the band "famous" in the first place.
Four arrested at The Freshgrocer
(10/01/01 9:00am)
In little more than two hours Thursday night, four individuals were arrested for retail theft at The Freshgrocer at 4001 Walnut Street, in three separate incidents.
University student arrested in alleged assault of Temple student
(09/17/01 9:00am)
A male University student landed in jail early yesterday morning after allegedly assaulting a Temple University student on the 3900 block of Spruce Street.
Will Ulrich: The model for a generation?
(09/10/01 9:00am)
I'm not sure I'll ever be wholly comfortable letting a writer label my generation. Granted, there are a few who have shown a knack for it over the years; Scott Fitzgerald and Jack Kerouac were at least decent at the job before they truly found the bottle.
Football battles late August heat
(08/30/01 9:00am)
It's hot, damn hot.
Saying goodbye to an old companion
(05/18/01 9:00am)
My computer died last week. She revved up, beeped twice and, after a few moments of blue skies, went black. The words I will appeared at upper left. Will what, I don't know. She has done nothing since.
Were we so stupid?
(04/25/01 9:00am)
April 1 passed just a few weeks ago and most of us didn't notice or didn't care. Ironically, a couple of years ago that day provided a life-changing moment. On April 1, we all eagerly drove home from high school to check our mailboxes to find out where we had been accepted to college. Letters freshly ripped open in our hands; we knew our lives would change irrevocably with the contents of the envelopes. We didn't need the ominous "something-important-is-going-to-happen-very-soon" music commonly heard in TV after-school specials -- it was pretty obvious that our lives were going to be dramatically altered. Yes indeedy, music or not, something important was going to happen very soon. Then, as summer rolled into September, we came to Penn nervous, unsure and excited about what college would bring. President Rodin told us how our lives would change dramatically when we were in college. How we would come into Penn economics majors and maybe end up folklore majors (read: parents' nightmare). How we might stroll into biology classes aspiring doctors, but come out aspiring writers. How our class was the smartest class ever to be accepted to Penn (which therefore makes the senior class consistently the dumbest class at the University. No one likes to talk about that). How within the next four years, our lives would change in ways even our fearless leader Judy Rodin could not begin to explain to us. Admittedly, I left that Convocation pep talk skeptical. Surrounded by 2,000 high school newspaper editors, 2,000 yearbook editors, 2,000 high school music stars -- and one fellow classmate who had told me that day that he was planning on working in Tanzania after graduation to teach a group of villagers how to create a social market economy (no, I'm not kidding) -- I was pretty sure that most of us were grounded and that we knew what we were doing. But as I watched thousands of pre-frosh tour Penn's campus this past week during Penn Previews, I couldn't help but think one thing: Were we really that stupid to think we actually knew what it was all about? Yes. Yes, we were. Last week I decided to latch onto a Penn Previews tour to see what the "new kids" would be like, and whether it would be easy to steal their lunch money. Pushy parents questioned and probed their tour guides as thoroughly as a Fling officer checking bags outside the Quad for a bottle of vodka. Embarrassed pre-frosh shuffled their feet, and stared at the ground, ashamed that their parents would (gasp!) actually ask a question. A couple of pre-frosh looked somewhat concerned when they saw a man in a chicken suit clucking up and down the Walk. Rightly. What President Rodin didn't tell us in her "begin-to-be-brainwashed-by-Penn-ideology" Convocation speech was that the difference between 18 and 22 is huge, and that it's not just academic. That the transformation from being an 18-year-old to a 22-year-old is not so much like that of a centipede to a butterfly, but more like that of a possum to a giraffe. We come in caring about April 1 as the day that we got into college; we'll leave caring about April 15 as the day we have to file our tax returns on our own, without the help of our parents. President Rodin talked about our years in college as an academic transformation -- more importantly, it's a personal transformation. It's not quite as physically awkward as middle school, but like seventh grade, college is a crucial transition period -- this time, not from childhood to puberty, but from puberty to adulthood. As Hey Day comes this Friday, seniors will graduate into the real world as juniors bang their canes on College Hall to become seniors. Sophomores will transform into juniors, and freshmen will finally no longer be considered sub-human within the community as they become sophomores. Everyone moves up a notch, and with the years, every one becomes a little smarter -- not just academically, but socially and personally. Each year at college changes you: freshman year makes you excited, sophomore year makes you interested, junior year makes you passionate and senior year earns you your license to take the wheels of what poet John Ashbery describes as a driverless car. Enjoy the ride.
Gambling charges hit M. Hoops
(04/02/01 9:00am)
Penn men's basketball stars Geoff Owens and Ugonna Onyekwe were arrested on Sunday in a pre-dawn raid, charged with racketeering and 14 other related crimes. In warrants unsealed at the time of their arrests, the Quakers second team All-Ivy selections are accused of systematic point-shaving over the course of the 2000-01 campaign. It is alleged that the duo intentionally missed free throws to swing the score of a number of games, earning upward of $40,000 from professional gamblers in the process. While the Penn community -- still reeling from the academic scandal precipitated by Mitch Marrow in 1997 -- tries to come to terms with this development, the accusations may explain the circumstances surrounding the topsy-turvy season the Quakers (12-17, 0-2 against Princeton) endured. "The accusations are totally and uncategorically without merit," said Penn coach Fran Dunphy, as he edged closer to the Olney stop on the Orange Line. "Though I still wonder why we lost to some of those God-awful Division III teams like Columbia and Delaware...." For the season, Owens was a 50 percent free-throw shooter, and Onyekwe found the hole with 59 percent of his shots from the charity stripe. But this amounts to only circumstantial evidence to the team's biggest supporter. "This just absolutely cannot be true," said Penn Athletic Director Steve Bilsky, relaxing in his new plush leather chair. "I've known Geoff for five years, and he has more respect for himself, for the school and for the Ivy League than to do this. "If anything, I'd bet that 'U' kid is behind it. First came that 360 at Princeton, and now he's concentrating in Legal Studies." According to the FBI, though, the evidence is overwhelming. Against then-No. 9 Seton Hall in December, the criminally minded duo combined to hit 5-of-13 (38%) at the line, but 16-of-27 (59%) from the field. Onyekwe even blatantly bricked a free throw with 1:04 remaining and a chance to put Penn in front. The Quakers went on to lose, 80-78. "There is just no way these two characters can do so well with Eddie Griffin in their faces, and so poorly with nothing between them and the basket," FBI spokesman Shaun W. May said. "While we know the public won't initially believe us, we have them conspiring on tape." Indeed, recordings produced by the FBI seem to slam-dunk a guilty verdict, as the pair can be heard discussing point spreads and game scenarios in detail. One clip, allegedly recorded the day before Penn took on Big 5 rival Temple, goes as follows: Owens: "Yo man, we six point dogs to dat ol' fool Chaney! Ain't no way I'm gonna let us cover that shit! That's prime-time!" Ugonna: "Very true, my dear Owens. This is a bloody marvelous opportunity to pick up a few shillings. That Sagarin chap sure makes life easy for us. We may even procure 1, 000 dollars for this work." Owens: "Yeah, a whole 'G', yo. Dat's phatty! Mo-money!" As it turns out, Owens went 0-for-2 from the line against the Owls, but a mediocre Penn squad did not need his help, falling well short of covering the spread in a 74-60 drubbing. Reaction across the Ivies ran the gambit between shock and disbelief at news of the arrests. "It's another Penn-Princeton conspiracy keeping my team down," sputtered delightfully pocket-sized Dartmouth coach Dave Faucher, as he took a deep swig from an unmarked bottle. "I don't know what to say," said Cornell coach and former Penn assistant coach Steve Donahue. "But guilty or not, that airball Geoff threw up in Hanover was still pretty sweet. Heh-heh." Those closest to the pair in West Philadelphia are as surprised as anyone by these middle-of-the-night developments. "I still don't want to believe it's true," said Diana Caramanico, Owens' girlfriend, and the best damn ballplayer to ever play at Penn. "But I guess I suspected something was up when Geoffy-poo stayed on that stationary bike all day in practice, talking on his Motorola two-way-pager." While Owens and Onyekwe are learning the rigors of prison life and could not be reached for comment, teammates were quick to come to their defense. "I can't believe the FBI is even considering this might be true," said David Klatsky, Penn's anti-shooting guard. "Sure, I always wondered what they were doing when they talked amongst themselves in the corner during timeouts. But I'm just 5'7", so I can't get up there to listen." Owens and Onyekwe will be arraigned on April 15 and face six-to-nine years in prison. But by the grace of incomprehensible NCAA rules, they will retain their eligibility if convicted. Upon hearing this news, Dunphy immediately hit the bottle, and also began applying for a fifth year of eligibility for "U". "I've got to cover all my bases, if you know what I mean," said Dunphy, stroking his long, thin, handlebar mustache. "If U ends up plea bargaining, he'll be free in time for Temple in 2003!"
W. Soccer unveils grand 10-yr. plan
(04/02/01 9:00am)
In the past three seasons, the Penn women's soccer team has been led by three different coaches -- and marked improvement has been noted every year. Two years ago, the Quakers advanced to their first-ever NCAA Tournament under first-year coach Andy Nelson, and last season, the Red and Blue finished their season with an ECAC title, led by first-year coach Darren Ambrose. With this in mind, Penn Athletic Director Steve Bilsky has announced a shocking plan for the future. In hopes of continued success, Bilsky will hire a new coach every season for at least the next 10 years. "We're going to try this out. A new coach each year has worked recently, so why should we change anything?" Bilsky said in a press conference yesterday. "It will be our 10-year plan. We're all very excited about it." According with the plan, head coach Darren Ambrose was let go yesterday. However, the first-year coach did not seem remorseful about his departure from Penn. "Hey, what do I care -- I'm the goalies' coach with the Philadelphia Charge," Ambrose said. "That's a professional soccer league. It's like the equivalent of the NBA. Hey, I'm the equivalent of Phil Jackson. Hey, you guys can still call me if you want. Just make sure you refer to me as Mr. Phil Jackson." For the upcoming fall season, Bilsky has already begun his search for a new head coach. However, he has run into some difficulty trying to lure coaches to Philadelphia for just one season. "Yeah it's a little tough, but I'll get the job done," Bilsky said. "I can always lure them with shiny red cars and prostitutes and stuff. Or, worse comes to worst, I can kidnap their mothers." Bilsky already has a short list of candidates for the job, highly touted prodigies such as the assistant coach of the McNee Street club soccer team and the head soccer mom of the Yorktown Class B travel team. However, Bilsky noted the trouble of keeping up the high level of coaching throughout the next 10 seasons, citing the fact that the crop of talent would simply wear thin after a few years. "Sure, five years from now, a lot of the best candidates will be gone," Bilsky said. "But I got a couple of tricks up my sleeve. Take for instance, Fred the Bum. He's a Philadelphia guy, knows the area and knows nothing about soccer. The 2007 soccer team will be in good hands. Man, I'm a genius." Fred the Bum, a resident of a cardboard box outside Wawa, could not be reached for comment, but was witnessed kicking a beer bottle across 38th street into oncoming traffic. Bilsky's genius, however, does not impress the women on the team. In fact, the soccer players think the plan sucks. "If I wanted a new coach every year, I would have played for the Clippers," said junior Sarah Campbell, who will play for her fourth coach in four seasons. "It's ridiculous. How do we plan on getting recruits with a different coach every year? Bilsky's a moron and I'm not afraid to say it." "I'm utterly, completely and totally devastated," senior Kelli Toland said of the change. "But besides that, shit's good." Upon hearing the news, seven women's soccer players have quit the team and another -- freshman Heather Issing -- has decided to try out for the football team. "Yo without that short, scraggly voiced Jewish kid, I think I got a shot," Issing said referring to the graduation of senior placekicker Jason Feinberg. "I can kick the ball like a motherfucker." With the team in shambles, it is all but certain the Quakers will not repeat their recent success. But Bilsky still has his eyes on Fred the Bum in 2007.
