*This article appeared in the 2009 joke issue.
onjour, Penn. Greetings from Baltimore!
Miss me yet? I'm sure you've noticed that College Hall is lacking a friendly Canadian with great hair and a winning smile. And you must have picked up on the fact that interdisciplinary academic experiences involving internationals haven't been appearing in the DP since I've left.
I'm not going to lie. Being president of a research university in a large East Coast city is pretty sa-weet. Especially when you get to run a healthcare system - my law degree's been really useful there. I mean, everyone ALWAYS gets in your face, trying to sue for something you Americans call "medical malpractice." We don't have that in Canada, you know, because we're socialists (the Trustees still haven't caught on to the fact that I'm trying to give everyone in Baltimore free health care. Shhhh that's a seekit.).
Anyways. Did you know they give you a house when you run the whole place (check 3812 Walnut Street - Amy gives tours Friday at 4:20)?
And let's not even talk about the fact that the temperature is a few degrees warmer in Baltimore (better for the hair product obvs) and that our men's lacrosse team can actually score (say it with me: That's what she said).
Thank you for all your kind notes! I especially liked the letter from Paul, residing in HamCo: "I still don't know what you do - what does 'chief academic officer' mean? Like head procter for the SATs? - but there's just something lacking now." But fear not, fearless Penn students, I miss you too. G-chatting with Amy, Leo and Leah in the wee hours of the morning only reminds me of this fact. Last night, in between pondering whether I should call another snow day at Johns Hopkins and giggling at Canadian jokes online (it's a great place, eh), I heard my daughters' Miley Cyrus CD and nearly choked up when Miley started singing about the "7 Things" she hates about her ex (who is apparently a Jo-Bro. Ummm scandalous much?). And it made me think - leaving Penn was like breaking up with a long-term girlfriend I just didn't want to propose to (three years, no ring). But the thing is, I could NEVER hate 7 things about Penn. So instead are 7 things I
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