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[Thomas Xu/Working the long hours] A highly sophisticated computer animation shows Eagles loudmouth Terrell Owens in his new dorm room in the Quad. Owens lost the lottery for a single to a freshman. Maybe it was David Whitehurst. Maybe Michael Kach.

Like many other NFL teams, the Philadelphia Eagles are preparing for their opening mini-camps for rookies and undrafted free agents.

However, due to a massive choking epidemic that has broken out at their training facility, the Eagles will be holding practices at Franklin Field.

President Amy Gutmann said she wanted to make the Eagles feel at home at Penn. Thus, in order to accommodate the many rookies and free agents who are trying out for the team, Gutmann has offered to house the players in the third floor of the Speakman and Butcher hallways in the Quad.

Several freshmen were informed yesterday that they will be moved temporarily to the Sheraton Hotel until the Eagles complete their camp.

"I just don't understand. How could they kick me out like that?" freshman Michael Kornheiser said. "Do they know who my dad is?"

Aramark and Campus Dining have generously offered to provide Eagles players with $25 additional dining dollars if they purchase a meal plan for the two-week period. Players will need to purchase guest meals for their families, and they will also need to sign family members into the Quad between 10 p.m and 6 a.m.

The Penn football team will continue to run practices as usual, and at times they will be forced to share the field with the Eagles. There will be daily scrimmages between the two teams.

"I have full confidence in our guys," Penn coach Al Bagnoli said. "What we lack in brawn we make up for in brains."

"And when the smoke clears," he added, "we're going to see that I use that phrase way too much."

When senior center Greg Williams was asked for comment on the situation, he simply replied, "Do you know who my father is?"

No, we don't.

In order to encourage students to attend the scrimmages, Penn athletic director Steve Bilsky plans to take down the nets in the Lott Tennis Courts in order to make room for daily tailgate parties.

The Penn athletic department will sponsor the event -- which will include beer, assorted liquor and speedballs (provided by Zates) -- as part of a larger initiative to attract more students to Penn football games.

"If the tailgates are a success, they will be implemented for Saturday games in the fall," Bilsky said. "We are also considering bringing rabbis to games to lure students from High Rise North."

Dan Staffieri, known around campus as Coach Lake, has volunteered to provide emotional support and inspiration to the Penn players.

"Not much has changed since we won the national championship at Maryland," said Coach Lake, a member of the Terrapins' 1952 title team. "I want to hit somebody!"

Several Penn football players will have an opportunity to strut their stuff in front of Eagles scouts and coaches throughout the week.

Eagles head coach Andy Reid singled out Penn senior kicker Josh Appell, as well as nationally renowned defensive lineman Aaron "Moose" Friedman, as the top prospects on the Quakers roster.

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